Flashback 218: Gilfred -Indigo-

I had never met a Constant before. I barely even believed that they existed. Humans had everything wrong. They thought there was a single being responsible for the creation of the world. They lived by the belief that everything began somewhere, but that was a flawed view. The universe has always been and would always be. The universe was one of those Constants. Something that always was and would always be.

It was a hard concept for mortals to understand and even I had trouble believing it. There I was though, standing outside of the home of a legend. Gilfred was a Constant, someone whose stories were told to me as a child. I walked up onto the porch and lifted the knocker above which the initials G.O.D. were inscribed. I dropped the heavy weight and let it fall once.

Patrick had spent his life looking for this one man, if he was a man. Gender probably meant as little as age when referring to a  Constant. They weren't something that could be defined by those categories. I turned and glanced at the car. Inside lay a sleeping Patrick, a child for the time being. It wouldn't be until he got older that he would regain the memories he once had. His vessel's sister had been born yesterday so I had been left to care for him, a task I had wanted to avoid. I didn't want him to think of me as a parental figure because of my feelings toward him.

No answer from the door. I reached up to knock again. It had taken me years to find his residence, and I didn't expect him to be here. His house sat in the center of a massive field, a monument to his power it would have been, if it wasn't surrounded by small, wooden crosses. Thousands, if not millions of them surrounded the house, each one with a name and date. The neighbors said that when he first moved here there weren't any crosses, but over the years more and more began to appear.

I pulled my hand away from the door and glanced at the car again. Why was I hesitant? Patrick believed completely that this man was safe, but something in me was screaming to just walk away; just leave this thing alone because it wasn't worth the trouble.

If I did, then Patrick would never forgive me. The other people of our race had forsaken him, claiming that his words were lies. So he left them, choosing with conviction to side with the one race that seemed to be the only that wasn't too blind to see when things were getting bad. Humans.

I couldn't understand his faith in them. He seemed set in the belief that this entire time, humans had been the superior race. Our kind had enslaved them, done horrible things to them, made them believe things that gave us more power, but Patrick believed in their potential. I had asked him why he believed this so much and he asked me to think back to a time when humans weren't around. Even before the realm of humans, there were humans in the Other Lands; in the oldest history books, the ones buried in our forgotten cities, they were still spoken of from first page to last.

This fact scared me to my core. As far back as I looked, humans were always there. My fear came to the notice of Patrick, who took me back in the basement of his Other Lands home. There he showed me a large block of cave wall. On it were symbols that I recognized as the first roots of our language system, and right there in the most rudimentary of writings was the word Human. Patrick proceeded to explain that he thought humans were a Constant, not individual humans, but the human race as a whole. He believed they had an untapped potential, one that only manifested when their race was in danger of extinction; a bestowing of abilities to seemingly random humans, who would become the shield and sword needed to weather any storm. He showed me thousands of documents, all of them a record of times when the human race triumphed against odds that were completely unreal.

I lifted the knocker and dropped it again.

"I have something to show you Indigo." A voice behind me spoke and I instinctively branched out my power, but it was deflected. It had never been deflected before.

I turned to see an old man standing at the bottom of the porch stairs. He was smiling and I felt comforted by his presence.

"You must be Gilfred." I made my way down the stairs and followed him through the rows and rows of wooden crosses.

"When you've lived as long as I have," He brushed a hand across one of the wooden crosses, "you hardly ever make any mistakes. I'm sure you can understand that, given your races longevity, but I'm not sure you understand what it means to a person like me. A mistake of mine can have consequences that last for a very, very long time, and it will kill so many people."

"I'm not sure I understand."

He was quiet for several minutes while we walked through the unending field of crosses. Each one that he passed, he touched and he never smiled. Each cross he passed seemed like a weight on his mind and visible on his face as a burden. I could tell that to him each one was heavier than I could imagine.

"Each and every one, I put here. So that I never forget who they were and what they contributed to the universe, so I never forget what was lost. However, I believe there is only one that would have any relevance to Patrick, and in extension; you."

He stopped in front of a cross and pointed to it. Inscribed in the wood was a name. Mardockt. I stepped backward in shock and looked at the old man.

"Wh-What is this?" I was incredibly confused, Patrick believed Mardockt to be alive and trapped just waiting to escape. However, right in front of my face was proof, delivered by a being without age, that Mardockt was indeed lost.

"Humans were the most powerful of the Constants. They were because the entire universe and everything within it conformed to them. When humans were in danger, seemingly unrelated and inconsequential events took place bestowing seemingly random humans with powers that neither me nor you could understand. Then these humans turn out to be exactly what the race needs."

"You aren't making any sense. I came here to ask for your help, we need to kill Mardockt. We need you to kill Mardockt."

My head was still trying to get over the fact that Mardockt was dead. Patrick based every action that he made on the belief that Mardockt had been changed evil and that Mardockt had more power than he could imagine. Had Patrick been wrong?

"Only a Constant can create a Constant and the same inverted. Only a Constant can kill a Constant. Anything else that tries will be killed. I knew this, but in my loneliness I ignored that fact. The being you call Mardockt was created long before your friend unleashed him. It took me many years to learn how to create a Constant, and even longer to contain him."

Suddenly the weight of the field I stood in fell on me. Each one of these crosses were a life destroyed by the being Patrick was scared of, and because of Gilfred's guilt he lived everyday in the presence of monuments he'd created for them.

"This field," I felt a heaviness in my heart, "How many of them are of my race?"

"Patrick's friend, Mardockt, was not born without a power. When he was destroyed he created an anomaly in the universe. He was part of the protection that humans would need to survive."

"You aren't answering me."

"Don't you understand? Smell the air, look at the sky, you can see it everywhere. The human race is preparing to defend itself. I can feel the tendrils of fate weaving throughout the universe. I can see the dominoes falling in sequence as the universe and everything within it bends in attempt to ensure their survival. The last time I saw the universe react like this was back in the Ice Age, but even that wasn't anything compared to this."

"Stop speaking in riddles!" I stomped my foot causing the ground to tremble.

"The human race is scared. It doesn't know whether it can survive this time and because of this, the universe is not pulling any stops. Do you know what that does to me? I created the Constant that they're worried about. I caused the death of thousands and I can do nothing to help. I can only tell you the right direction."

"So what's the right direction?"

"Patrick's already headed in it, but he needs to find the anomaly. He needs to find it as soon as he can, because it will lead him to the only defense humans have."

"He's not interested in just saving the humans, he wants to save the universe. He wants you to lead the army he will create."

Gilfred smiled, "Indigo, you really need to be more understanding. A Constant is a Constant because it must be there. Without the human race then the universe loses meaning, and without a reason to exist it will fade away. I might survive as well as my creation, but the universe will evaporate. Take a look around you, I am not fit to lead an army, but maybe the anomaly will be."

I was angry, "You aren't the person I thought you were. I heard legends about you for as long as I've lived, but you're nothing but a sad old man who doesn't want to get his hands dirty. Patrick is more than you'll ever be."

Gilfred looked surprised as though I had said something he hadn't expected, "I have done enough. You may leave now, my answer is no. I will not join Patrick."

"Then I give you a message directly from him, if you will not help us then you will be hunted. You'll be hunted forever, because Patrick will not stop until he's either contained you or killed you."

As I turned to head back to the car, Gilfred laughed, "Patrick is an amazing person, very dedicated and willing to do what it takes, so I wait for the day when he comes to collect."

As I slid in next to Patrick, I couldn't help but feel a chill. Gilfred's words stirred something that I had stuffed away for a long time. Deep within my soul I felt the one thing besides love that controlled my actions.

Deep within I felt the cold hand of terror as the car pulled away from the house, the crosses and that horrible old man.

Flashback 217: God-Rank -Indigo-

I was twenty-three when I earned my God-Rank. I was the second youngest person to earn their God rank; the first being Patrick at age 15.

I stood in front of my Father as he looked at me. He smiled and motioned for me to step forward. I had been waiting for this day even though I already knew what I would be God-ranking into. My power involved emotions; I could see and manipulate a person's emotions, but with my touch I could do all that, and create or destroy emotions as well. I was jumping right up to the top and becoming the Goddess of Emotions.

God-ranking was a rite of passage for most of us. We aspired toward it so we could find out where we ranked compared to our other classmates. Getting a rank could either give or take some power from the receiver, and very rarely did it ever leave them the same. It all really depended on what my Father decided was best, but most had a change to their abilities happen when they were ranked.

"Indigo, my dearest daughter, you have done well in proving yourself and you demonstrate incredible control over you ability, and that makes me proud."

I stood tall and proud like a daughter should. This was my moment.

"What doesn't make me proud is the relationship you have with Patrick. I've even heard rumors that you've joined him in his crusade to find an imaginary person. You spread rumors of a war that is going to be worse than the one we're in right now and you did all of this against my wishes."

My pride deflated like a popped balloon. How could I explain my feelings for Patrick? My feelings that had not been returned despite my best efforts. Everything my Father had said was happening started because I wanted to be noticed, but over time I realized that Patrick was speaking the truth and trying to save us from destruction.

"Dad, I didn't mean to disappoint you. Once I'm God-ranked then I'll be sure to make you proud."

"Or you could end up taking my rule right out from under me and giving it directly to Patrick." He slammed his hand on the throne's armrest, "You disobeyed a direct order from your ranking officer and your father. You have disgraced my name more than any has yet."

"But Father . . . " I felt the tears flow but didn't care, "I'm sorry."

"You have proved yourself to be capable of God-rank, that is true. So your rank shall be Goddess of Guilt, a title suitable for someone who has shamed their family so much."

I felt my powers slip away as I fell to my knees. I would no longer control all emotions, my control would center around guilt alone. Sadness at the loss of my ability built up in my chest and then slowly formed to anger. I pulled myself to my feet and smiled a dark smile at my Father.

The room became heavy with guilt. Some people burst into tears while others began tearing at their faces. I slowly intensified the feeling until everyone was trying to kill themselves over the guilt they felt. Except my Father. He sat there unaffected, like always. Our powers didn't work on our parents, something to do with protective powers through blood.

He stared at me angrily until the last person fell, "Are you done?"

I turned and stomped through the puddles of blood to the door, "I hate you."

I closed the door behind me and then fell to the floor in tears. How could he do that? How could my Father be so cruel? I thought he loved me, but I was nothing but a tool that had broken.

"So, I need a favor." It was Patrick and coming from across the hall.

I looked up at him, tears still streaming down my face, "Will it hurt my Father?"

"Yes. If I'm right, then it will do more than just hurt him."

I wiped the tears from my face, "You saw what happened in there?"

"No, but I did hear it. Your father is a very twisted man."

I ran up to hug him but he sidestepped, "Indigo, I can't ask anyone else to do this. I need your help."

I knew I would help him already. I wanted to make my Father suffer for destroying my powers like he did, "What do you need?"

"I need you to find someone willing to perform the needed spell so that I can go to the human realm. I think that's where Gilfred is hiding."

"I'll do it." I couldn't deny the request of someone I loved.

And I didn't care anymore.

Flashback 211: Adjusting part 1 -Christina-

"Miss," He tugged at my armor for the fourth time, "Miss, could you grab that candy off the top shelf?"

He'd been tugging on my armor since I'd walked into the store, and immediately after I noticed that everyone was staring at me. I knelt down till I was eye level with the young boy and smiled, "If you like those fingers then you'll stop bothering me, okay? Now go ask your mom for help before I chop off those stubbly toes."

Very quickly his face transformed into a wail and I regretted not just helping the boy. His mother came running and pulled him away from me.

"What did you do to my boy? He never cries like this!" She stormed out of the store as I turned back to the newspaper. It had been a long time since I'd been put inside that jar and things had certainly changed. Most humans seemed even more mindless save for the few that I'd met before.

They were still squabbling over religion and killing each other for material possessions; barbarians in a suit. Feeling a tap on my shoulder I spun around grabbing my assailant and flipping him on to the stack of papers. I twisted his arm so it was under his body and then slammed my elbow into his gut.

"I'm not here to hurt you!" He cried, "I'm not here to hurt! Let me go!"

I released him and pushed him off the newspaper, "You shouldn't have come up behind me. Now go, I'm not in need of help."

"Listen, the manager of the store has called the police and they will be here any second. So, we kind of have to get out of here before they show up."

"I can kill them if they decide to attack me."

"I don't doubt it, but killing is really bad and will just make more show up. They're kind of like roaches, where there's one there's hundreds."

"Fine, what do you suggest?" I grabbed a newspaper and something called a RingDing.

"We le-" He stopped and slapped his forehead, "Too late."

"Hello, Miss? I think you should come down to the station with us." A person behind me spoke with authority. He made himself sound so important that a small giggle escaped my lips. I turned to see a small man with his hands on his hips. The only weapons seemed to be a large stick and a really small L-shape object.

"I'm really sorry officers." The man behind me stepped around to the front, "This is my mentally challenged sister an-"

"I am not your sister." I would not tolerate someone lying about me, "and what is mentally challenged? If I find out you're insulting me . . . "

The man looked like he'd just lost a fight, "You were not supposed to disagree."

"You lied, how is that disagreeing? I just told the truth."

The short man grabbed my arm, "Alright, your both coming with me!"

Elbow to face was my response. The man stumbled backwards, his hands holding his bleeding nose. I grabbed his right shoulder and spun him so he was facing the window of the shop. From there it only took a small kick to send him out the window.

"Holy Shit!" Two voices, the man that lied and the other "police" outside, who was eating a doughnut. The clumsy man dropped his doughnut in surprise as the short man flew out the window. Glass littered the ground and I heard some people scream behind me.

The man outside lifted up the L-shaped object and pointed it at me, he was shaking.

"Put your weap-" He noticed that I had no weapons and blinked a few times, "Come out with your hands up, both of you!"

Was raising the hands the new bow? I would never do that! I stepped out the window, one glance at the short man told me he was alive.

"Hands up! Now!" He was still pointing the object toward me.

The man who lied stepped down next to me, "You are a piece of work. I was trying to avoid something like this. Now please put your hands up before this only gets worse. You see what he's holding? It's a gun, it can kill you."

I knelt down and grabbed a small shard of glass, "Oh, it's a weapon." I flicked my wrist and a loud thwack was heard followed by a clattering noise as the gun fell to the ground.

"Oh, no." The man beside me put his hand over his face.

I slide up next to the police man as he reached for his gun. I grabbed his belt and lifted him in the air. A quick jab to the gut and he quickly went limp, "What? He was wielding a weapon. What was I supposed to do?"

I glared at the man as he reached for my arm, stopping him mid-grab.

"Lady, you need to follow me before more of them show up."

"You're very annoying with your demands."

"Yeah, I'm told that a lot. Now come on."

I followed him as he ran down the street and jumped a fence.

210: The Church of Guilt -Andrew-

The inside of the church was elegantly furnished. The windows had curtains of black and red striped velvet, and the carpet was a deep shade of purple.

"Please, if you don't mind taking off your shoes before you walk in." Sister Victoria turned and looked at me, "God doesn't like her floors getting dirty."

I knelt down and slipped off my shoes, "So you think God is a she?" I was trying to make small talk. Something about this place didn't feel right, it felt . . . familiar.

"I know she is. Right now she's out, but soon she'll be back." Sister Victoria motioned for me to follow, "Please come and sit with the other Sisters."

The hallway opened up into a massive room with a high ceiling, too high for it to be the same building I'd seen outside. I was right, something was off about this place. It was bigger on the inside.

"I'm sorry, I just realized that there's something I need to do." I turned to leave, but was stopped when I saw who was standing in the hallway. I couldn't move my feet. My palms grew sweaty and I began to shake uncontrollably. She walked over to me and ruffled my hair, her hand warm and comforting. Her touch made me feel the happiest I had been in a long time, but when she stopped I couldn't stay standing because of the power of the returning emotions.

She knelt down to look at my face, our noses almost touching, "Aw, you remember me. That's sweet."

She patted my head as she stood up. My vomit from the assaulting emotions would stain her rug. I felt a warmth flow from down my thigh and wasn't sure what it was until I realized that I'd wet myself.

"Victoria? Please, stand him up." Her voice wasn't as sweet as it had been. It was all business and anger.

I felt Sister Victoria's hands lift me to my feet, "Yes, ma'am."

Through blurry eyes I watched her turn and wait until I was standing on my own. I reached up and wiped my eyes.

"Indigo." I growled.

She smiled cutely, "Oh wow, you even remember my name! This is getting better and better."

"How could I forget? You trapped away the parts of me I cared for the most. All because Patrick told you to."

"Patrick never made me do anything. He is searching for something and I am doing my best to help him find it. That's what you do for people you love." She grinned, "What am I saying? You wouldn't understand, you sacrificed your wife and child's memories just to feel better."

I was quiet because she was right. I had done that, it was all my fault because I was weak.

"Please, don't be angry at me. We had some good times, I thought we were friends." She pouted, "Oh well, I didn't bring you here to chat. This is business. I need you to do something for me."

"Why would I do anything for you?"

She motioned to the sisters who were standing in a circle around me, "For one, you won't make it out of here alive. My sisters are incredibly obedient, all they need is the word. Also, if you happen to get out anyway, then rest assured that what you've gotten back will be gone in seconds. You'll go back to the family slaughtering fiend you once were."

She walked over to me and frowned, "So here's what you're going to do, you know those people you just met? The ones who were with your dear, departed friend Vincent? There were two brothers, a tall one and a not so tall one. A long time ago, we met and they had the most delicious guilt, but they were after my head. I had them right where I needed them to be. They're pain was exquisite . . . but then the small one did something unexpected. His will was . . . like something I'd never felt from a human before. He broke free and stole something of mine, rendering him and any of his direct blood relations unaffected by my charms." She stomped her foot, "That stupid, little, rotten . . . he is why I'm even here, I have much more important things to do. I saw his brother on the television and the small one isn't ever far behind."

"So you want me to steal it?" I frowned, "You do know that they HUNT your kind? They've killed a God right in front of my eyes. I hear that just the small one alone stood against 20 or so zombies and survived. Also, judging from the news, I think Patrick poked one of their buttons too much. Going against their band of misfits is not just stupid, it's retarded."

"I don't want you to steal it back. I don't care about it anymore. I want you to kill the brothers and, while it's touching that you're worried about me, I won't be the one doing it. You will, and you know all about them."

"No. I won't do as you ask. They have an incredible warlock, and even a clairvoyant. Do it yourself and see for yourself. I go in there looking to kill some of their crew and I'll be wiped out. They already hate me."

She touched my chin, making my knees crumple when she removed her fingers, "Oh Andrew, did you think I was asking? No, no . . . I didn't even say please."

"Please, you're killing me."

"I'm commanding you, kill the brothers and if you feel like being on my good side, then you'll bring back what they stole. If you can't . . . "

She smiled a devilish smile, "Then I'll ask the other you instead."

207: Sanity -Saba-

"You won't survive this. Let me out . . . I can protect you."

I shook my head as I ran down the hall away from the horrible, young child that Will had left for me to keep an eye on. The girl claimed that she was Crystal's sister, but it was an obvious lie. When we were alone I called her on the lie and she just flipped out.

I heard the teeny explosions as people looked out to find what the noise was, only to have their heads removed from their bodies. Whoever this girl was, she had immense power and was a danger to everyone. I glanced back to see her slowly walking down the hall behind me.

Behind her, the hallway was a mess of blood and brain matter. As the girl stepped on the rug little splashes of blood splattered on her and the walls. Her face was in a state of ecstasy as though she was getting her fix off every head that explodes in her presence.

"I can't let you out. I'll never get you back under control. You could hurt the people I care about."

More explosions. A family of four becomes a family of none.

"I thought we came to an agreement?! You're going to die unless you let me take over."

The other me was right, and I was running out of hallway. I pushed open the door to the stairs and quickly made my way down.

"The only agreement we came to was keeping Ben safe. This isn't affecting Ben at all."

I was halfway down the second set of stairs when the door above flew off its hinges. I could hear steps down the stairs as I finished the second set.

"Wow." Her voice was childish and malicious, "Being around you makes it easier for me to get the pieces I need. I wonder what it'd be like if I could just get inside your head."

My foot caught on a step and I tumbled down the stairs. An attempt to stand was met with extreme pain through out my entire leg.

"If you're dead, then you can't protect Ben. If she reaches us before you stop being stupid then we're dead . . . you have to know that. Just . . . give me control."

No choice. No choice but to let her be in control. She could help.

I looked at the top of the stairs and my breath caught. There she was staring down at me like a hungry beast at their next meal. She was terrifying, powerful, small, fragile . . . dead.

"It's about time you caught up to me." I smiled my signature dark smile, "I've always wanted to know what it'd feel like to wear a child's skin."

She paused, "Well, this is different."

Her face was what I concentrated on. It was an expression that was the best part of being a monster. The only emotion I felt was the right one to be expressed toward me. This girl was scared.

"Mmmmm." I pulled myself up ignoring the pain in my leg, something the other me could never do, "All this violence is making me tingly in places children your age shouldn't know about."

"What are you? Why aren't you terrified of me anymore?", she pulled herself together and the fear disappeared.

"I eat your type for breakfast . . . " I winked, "Literally."

I stepped up the stairs toward her, and she took a step back. I could see that she was weighing her options. I had completely surprised her.

"When they sent you up here to me, did you expect someone fragile and weak? Ben's much smarter than that. He didn't send you to me because of my weaker, more humane," I spit, "self. I'm the reason he left you here. So let's start with what you are."

As I made my way up the stairs I could tell she wasn't sure what to do, but I knew she understood the trouble she was in.

"I'm very old and much stronger than you." She obviously believed that, "I've been around for as long as humans have existed, maybe even longer."

"You aren't telling me anything of importance." I took a deep breath of the blood scented air, "These are your last moments, the least you could do is be more open with me."

Red flooded the front of the girl's dress, but she didn't scream. Instead she looked at me and smiled, "You want me to be more open? Well, how's this for being open?"

With that the girl's body burst open and fell to the floor. Standing in her place was a tall red-headed young woman completely nude and covered with blood. It was my turn to be put off guard by this unusual transformation.

"Ahh, so I've collected enough pieces to manifest my true form." She looked at me with eyes that I'd seen many times. She was an unsigned Goddess. One of Patrick's kind. I suddenly felt completely outranked.

"I'm not unsigned. I passed with flying colors and was signed." She smiled and bowed, "I'm the Goddess of Memory, or at least I was until they locked me away."

In a second she had me against the wall with her hand at my throat. Her strength was amazing, more so than even Bob had exhibited. I could feel her fingers biting into my neck.

"Sex-y." I smiled at her, "Why don't you and me find a room somewhere? I'll teach you how to scream with out making a sound."

Her grip tightened, "All I need from you is the piece I'm missing." She put her other hand on my forehead and after a few moments her face became quizzical, "You- don't have it. Why don't you have the piece I need?" She slammed me against the wall, "What are you?!"

I had trouble talking, "Let's play . . .", I coughed the words out slowly, "some show and tell."

My weaker self was screaming at me to stop making her mad. I took her advice in to consideration long enough to spit in the Goddess' face. She tossed me down the stairs in response. I hit the floor and slid in to the wall.

"You are not important to me if you are not in possession of what I seek. You can leave with your life.", she turned to walk away, but I wasn't having that. I called upon the dead, urging them to wrap themselves around the door she'd kicked down earlier.

"STOP!" She did, and slowly turned around.

"You are just asking for me to kill you." She tilted her head, "Or could you be trying to save the people of this hotel?"

That question made me very confused. I could just let her go, she wasn't a threat to me or anyone I cared about right now. Why was I stopping her? That's when it hit me, I was losing control. I took a deep breath of the disgusting air and all I wanted was Ben to hold me.

A loud clang was heard behind the Goddess as the door fell to the ground. My powers had faded because the evil me was deep within. I fearfully looked at the red haired Goddess and gave my best fearless face.

"You're a big meany-head."

She started laughing. She laughed for about 2 minutes and then her laughter turned to screams, "NO! . . . agh . . . urgh . . . I need more pieces . . . I need a body to hold me."

Her eyes fell on me and I felt a cold chill.

203: Guilt -Andrew-

The streets of the city were torture to walk through. Everything reminded me of my wife and child, the victims of my warped mind. Every noise brought back a memory that I wish I could forget. but knew that I didn't want to.

The others had been very clear about where they wanted me. They wanted me anywhere but near them, and Carl had been the one to make it the clearest. I winced as I lightly touched my bruised face. I deserved their scorn; I deserved more than I'd gotten.

"Sir, are you alright?" It was a young nun that had just walked from a nearby church.

"I'll never be okay, Sister. Better you just leave me alone.", I continued walking.

"God can help." She caught up to me and grabbed my sleeve, "Come inside and talk to me."

"God . . . ", my mind settled back on the memories of Hell. I could almost feel the amounts of pain I had endured again as I remembered the whips and brands, "God has no place for me. I've done so much. I've ruined so many lives. I destroyed people I care about just to feel better."

"They'll forgive you, and so will God." She put her hand on my shoulder, halting me.

"What if some of them can't forgive me?" I fell to the steps of the church and put my face in my hands, "Not long ago, this didn't bother me. I used to be able to forget about the guilt. I could ignore the pain."

She sat down next to me.

"But I can't anymore. Now the guilt and pain floods my soul, it reminds me of their faces and compares them to better times. A constant reminder that I did it to them and that I can never go back. I can never undo what I did. Forever I'll be haunted by this pain."

"That's part of the glory of being human. God gave us guilt so we could learn how to treat others." She turned my face toward hers, "Maybe God gave you back your guilt so you can return to him; so you can stop treating others the way you have."

"Sister, I don't mean to be rude, but if there was a God than he'd have done something already. The only person that gave me back my guilt was myself. Don't talk as though you understand! You've never killed anyone."

She paused as though not sure what to say. She smiled and grasped my hand while standing, "Come inside with me. Maybe I can show you God's forgiveness and help you move on."

I was pulled to my feet and directed to the front doors. I hesitated before stepping over the threshold, because I was scared of being smote for entering God's house.

The doors closed behind me and the young nun turned to me, "I am Sister Victoria, and I'd like to welcome you to The Hicks Church of Christ."

Something told me this was a bad idea, but I was desperate. I needed to get rid of this pain that filled me. I pushed the feeling aside and followed Sister Victoria deeper in to the church.

179: Not Supposed To Matter -Alice-

I walked to the door and as I reached for the knob, a noise behind me made me freeze. Someone was breathing. I turned around and stared at a tall man wearing an expensive suit walking toward me. Something about him made me tremble. There was something in his eyes; something very ancient and powerful.

"Alice. So nice to finally meet you, Alice. I have been watching you for a very long time." His voice made me feel unnaturally calm, which instead of making me comfortable, put me on edge.

"What are you, a pervert?" I retorted.

The man laughed and then shook his head, "You've lived a very difficult life Alice, and you deserved better. Beaten everyday, forced to clean after your parents habit while avoiding your father's drunken rage, and everyday you wished you could die. You wanted it all to end and hoped that you'd feel no more pain."

He knew too much of my thoughts, of my life. I stepped back, "Are you God?"

He stared at me for a long time and then smiled, "No. I'm as far from a God as you can get, and I'm not even sure if the big guy even exists." He stepped forward and held out his hand, "My name is Patrick Bernauw, and I'm here to give you what you really want."

I'd always read stories of deals made with the devil and this sounded like one of those times. I shook my head and stuck my tongue out at him, "No way. You'll ask me to do something later, something I won't want to do."

"There is no catch. In fact, I'm not doing this for you at all. I only choose you because your life needed a change and I felt generous." The way he said generous made the incorporeal hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

"You killed me to make my life better? Did you flunk out of grade school?"

He laughed again, "You are so smart, Alice. Yes, as a matter of fact, I did flunk out of school. Except it wasn't grade school. Have you ever heard of a place called the Other Lands?"

I shook my head still not trusting his words. This could all just be a plan to get me to go along.

"Well, you are a ghost, also known as a Walking Soul in the Other Lands. Walking Souls are the only beings capable of instantaneous travel between this realm and the Other Lands without training. With training a Walking Soul can become a very dangerous being, but that is not important to you. What's important is that you understand that the afterlife humans refer to is the Other Lands."

"Why is that important?"

He stared at me, "I'm trying to give you a better life, Alice. You need to trust me."

"I don't. You're a smelly old man that likes watching a fourteen year old. Even if my Mother couldn't teach me to be careful of guys like you, I'm not stupid." I stepped back again.

He nodded and stood up, "Well, I'll be seeing you again sometime. When we meet again you might think I'm doing the wrong thing, but I swear I'm not the bad guy. The bad guy is a lot worse than me."

"I don't even know who you are! I'm dead, remember?! I'm not supposed to matter anymore!"

He laughed as he walked toward the opposite wall, "Alice, your life is just beginning. Give my regards to Ben."

"Ben? Whose that? Why me? Hey! Stop walking away!"

He turned and smiled, "Ben is the guy that killed you, Alice."

And then he vanished and I was again alone.

But even more confused.

Entry 71: Return -Crystal-

The world blurred in to focus and I fell to the cold stone floor. The cave was lit up by the orb behind me and this scene formed before me.

Crazy Hat Guy was swinging an axe at the Goddess. The other guy was blocking the only exit. I glanced over to my left and saw another person laying still on the floor.

"That person needs help, Crystal."

I glanced to my right and saw that Nick was standing next to the glowing orb.

"This isn't another one of your suicide missions, is it?" I was surprised at my own voice. It came out more mature and it sounded good. I looked down at my self and saw that I was much taller. I had grown older.

"What?" This was unexpected.

"The human spirit is ageless. I could not return your body, so I asked your soul what it would prefer. It chose this. Now help him."

My body was skinny and my hair very long. I ran over to the person and ripped at his shirt.

He reached up to me, "Help . . . please . . . "

"You aren't dieing yet, sir. I'm gonna help you." I had to hurry. His blood was running out fast and I had to stop the bleeding. How did I know that?

Entry 70: Anger to 3rd power -John-

Jay fell on top of me, his body limp and unmoving. His eyes were glazed over and the wound was bleeding profusely. My mind went blank and the world pulled away. Pain in the depth of my chest exploded, flowing over my entire body, leaving it numb.

Jay was gone. The sound of his blood hitting the floor was the only sound I heard. I laid Jay on to the ground and stood, gripping my axe tighter, the wood biting into my hand. Sadness mixed with anger, forming hate. The deepest hate I'd felt since Alex died. This was the second friend I'd lost because of these damn creatures. They had both tried to save me. They had both succeeded but the price was too high. My mind had broken. There was nothing left but the anger. The furious hate that seethed from every inch of my being.

The world came rushing back as I slammed my axe into the belly of the very confused snake. It cried out in pain and slithered backwards. It wasn't moving fast enough. My axe found flesh again and another cry was made. It was headed for the entrance, but Carl was too fast for it. He slid in the way and landed a spin kick in its face.

I leaped, raising the axe above my head and brought it down with such righteous anger, that the Snake Goddess was no longer a Snake Goddess. She was a corpse.

Entry 69: Redemption -Jay-

I was free. Now I could just slink out of here while they're in the heat of battle. I was just turning when I saw John run forward. The snake’s speed was incredible as it whipped around, ready to protect itself. The fangs extended but John didn't stop. He couldn't stop.

Time seemed to slow as I ran over the choices in my head. This was my fault. They wouldn't be in this situation if I hadn't have stolen the herbs. Alex died to protect them and I insulted that sacrifice for my own gain. Now, one of my closest friends was going to take the fall. I was selfish; too selfish. So blinded by my own problems, that I didn't see exactly what Alex was doing when he died. This was wrong. All wrong.

All wrong.

Everything was wrong. It was all my fault.

Before I knew it I had covered the distance between me, John, and the snake. I threw my body between them, knocking John back. I felt the fangs sink into my flesh, and I felt the burning venom flowing into my body. The world became blurred and color lost its meaning. Was I upset? No. I felt relieved. I felt peace.

Entry 68: Last minute -John-

I didn't know how deep we were, but that yell had come from nearby. Darkness was all around us and with out a flashlight we couldn't see much. I stepped through an arch of rock and felt the walls move out from us. We were in a cavern now. I could hear Jay's breathing as well as the Snake Goddess’ hiss.

I ran toward the sound and pulled back my fist. Snake Goddess or not, I'm the only one that can hurt my friend.

At that moment, the cavern erupted in light. From three feet above the ground an orb of light shone, its bright light splashing over the room. Jay was underneath the body of the Snake Goddess, who was moving toward the wall because of the sudden light. The Snake Goddess was almost completely snake, besides the arms just below her head. On each finger rested a gold ring and around her neck a long beaded necklace. Jay was all ready working to get free using the distraction.

I was not going to let this moment pass either. I ran toward the Snake Goddess and lifted my axe. I was too late, the Snake Goddess regained its composure and whipped its tail in to my side, sending me sprawled on the ground.

The orb of light began to pulsate and slowly change shape. The light played over everything, releasing periodic flashes.

Carl ran toward the Snake Goddess and side stepped the first tail swipe, only to be hit by the Snake's fist. Carl fell back, dropping his knife. The snake took this time to knock Carl's legs out from underneath him. By this time I was on my feet again, and so was Jay.

I ran toward the beast, the axe raised above my head. Swiftly the snake spun and opened her great jaws. My own momentum was carrying me toward it. There was no way to dodge out of the way. The foot long fangs were going to go in me, and what ever venom this creature had was going to end me.

Entry 67: Zombified -Jay-

This is just great. My day can't get any worse. First, I realize that my actions had been a mistake. Now, I'm struggling to get out of the grip of a powerful Snake Goddess. Why doesn't fate just let my friends show up suddenly and make it a complete failure? That would be when I heard my name yelled. It was John.

They knew. They knew. They knew. They were going to kill me. Wait, why were they here? The snake squeezed a bit which brought my mind to more urgent matters. We had entered its lair and I could smell dead flesh everywhere. It kind of reminded me of a warm meat locker. The Goddess lifted me above her head and tossed me to the ground. I slid a bit and then stood. I couldn't see anything. I swung wildly but only hit air. The Goddess was moving; I could hear it. I was hit from behind and fell on my face.

This was bad. The snake could see while I could not. I was alone, fighting an old Goddess with my bare hands, and had backup that probably wanted me dead. I tried to set my thoughts on survival; fight the snake, it's all you can do. Fight the snake, John is going to be pissed. I decided that was good enough and I kicked out toward the sound.

I must have done something right, because I connected hard with the Goddess and heard a surprised hiss. I moved closer and got another hit with my fist on rock. Pain coursed up my arms and I yelled out. To my dismay, Carl returned my yell. They were getting closer. I had to hurry.

The Goddess took advantage of my distraction to push me to the floor and press her weight on me. I was going to die. I could feel her head getting closer and smell her awful breath. Damn it, Alex. I couldn't get you back and I neglected your friends lives. Please don't hurt me?

Entry 65: Friendship -John-

When I saw her fall I got really mad. She had fought against her own kind just to save my life. I don't know why she'd done it, but this was not how she was supposed to go. My anger exploded in the form of an axe in to a zombie’s head. We were losing but we were taking as many of them down as we could. Carl was to my left, cutting anything that wasn't me and moved.

I knew she was going to die all ready, but any death would have been better than the one she'd had. I would fight until my last breath and I'd take as many of these little creeps as I could. If I survived, I'd find that snake. The zombies were slowing down, weary of being batted back with the blade of an axe. I watched her pull those creatures off me. I saw the recognition in her face. I saw the steely bravery in her eyes as she turned to protect me. I saw the axe rip through her like butter.

"HARRRAAAUUUGH!", I yelled at the zombie I had just cut in half; and I'm not meaning horizontally. Carl was fighting the zombie with equal fervor, but we both knew we were losing. Our last stand. At least Jay and Ben would survive.

"HEY!", Ben yelled out the window, "Jay has the herbs and is escaping! The herbs will stop all this! He planned this whole thing to resurrect Alex!"

Stupid Jay. Stupid zombies. Stupid snake. I fought off more zombies with my axe to release all of my pent up aggression. It was at that moment when we all heard the scream, and at that moment everything froze. Jay.

Carl stopped. I stopped. Surprisingly, the zombies stopped. Carl and I looked at each other, "Jay."

We ran toward the sound.

Entry 64: What I'd do. -Jay-

I was filled with confusion. I knew I was doing the right thing, but what Ben was saying made a little sense. Having lost the verbal argument I went in for the physical. So there Ben was, on the floor in front of me, completely unconscious. The zombie children had left. I opened the door and walked into the bedroom. Nothing I could say would make me right; I'd just leave. I'd find some place that would accept me for what I can do.

I grabbed my bag and the little of my clothes I had, put them in a bag, and continued downstairs. Ben was right. I couldn't sacrifice my friends to bring Alex back. I'll find someone else to sacrifice. Someone who deserves it. I made my way downstairs and stopped to look at the living room, and remembered some of the surprisingly good times I had had there, even if my skills were ignored.

I didn't belong here anymore. Ben would tell the others and I'd be finished. They'd hate me forever. I guess I'm going to have to find another place for me. I shut the back door behind me and slipped into the bushes behind the house. I had only made it a few yards when a loud hissing to my left caused me to stop. Shit.

I'm betting my scream could be heard by anyone nearby.

Special Entry 61: It all goes dark -Crystal-

Months had passed since I realized that I was dying. I'm here only because of the Goddess. Another being to give me something because I didn't have much time. I flipped a zombie on its back to allow the tall guy to stomp on its face. Watching him, I was beginning to get the hang of this fighting thing. I'm still not good at it though.

Crazy Hat Guy was badly injured, so he couldn't do much to help, but he was on his feet and swinging. So many children attacking us, and some of them had even found the kitchen and were using utensils as weapons. My thoughts returned to my Daddy as I pushed Soup head to the ground.

His smile. I worked so hard for that in the last couple of weeks. Every time I saw a smile it was followed with tears and sadness. How I wanted him to smile. My Mommy used to smile a lot and her smile made my Daddy smile. After she went to sleep, Daddy rarely smiled unless he was with me.

Smiles tell a lot about someone’s thoughts, I think. Smiles of love between my Mommy and Daddy. Smiles of happiness because I was still with him. Smiles of protection when you want to keep someone from knowing something horrible; and smiles of sadness when something you can't stop is going to come to pass, and you know it. Smiles of deception when you want someone to do something for you. I smiled when my Daddy told me I couldn't bring Vincent to school with me. I had smiled to hide my disappointment.

My mind went back to the fray as I felt a sharp pain in my head, and everything went dark.

Special Entry 59: Ripples -Crystal-

They had tried to keep it from me, but I knew. When he looked at me I could see the sadness, and first I couldn't understand it but eventually I realized. I was sick inside and I wasn't getting better. As I ran toward the Crazy Hat Guy, these are the thoughts that ran through my head. Everyone had done things for me, because I wasn't going to last; because I was sick and my Daddy knew.

Nick was mean. The tears that streaked down my face soaked into my pink shirt. How could he threaten Vincent? I had done nothing to him. I had done nothing to anyone. I had tried to keep it that way; no reason to cause a splash if there was going to be no ripples. Now Nick is forcing me to jump into the water. I didn't like him.

They were dragging Hat Guy away, which I couldn't allow; lest Vincent take the retribution. The Goddess had given me strength, I'd better use it. I gripped the first boy by the collar and tossed him off. I smiled inwardly as I watch Soup head fly over my shoulder. Crazy Hat Guy was struggling to get them off, but I all ready knew he wouldn't succeed with out my help. They were too strong and there were too many.

No one knew that I knew. Everyone had given me everything they could, except for Nick.

Entry 58: Illusions -Ben-

Turning to Carl, I pretended to look at my book as though deeply engrossed in to what it had to say. For dramatic effect, I stopped and stared for a few moments at the words on the page.

"I know what we need to do.", I tried to sound sincere.

Carl was instantly interested. He stood and walked over to read the page over my shoulder.

Now all I had to do was sell my lie. "These herbs it refers to, I think- I think I may have picked them off the cave floor. If we could get these and return them-"

"Tell me you have them on you, Ben." Carl sounded desperate.

"They're in my bag downstairs in the living room." Before I had finished, Carl had started out the window. "Save your brother first. That little girl is going to need help."

Carl nodded as he disappeared out of sight. I turned to Jay and frowned, "So where are the herbs, really?"

Jay face took on an angry look but he remained silent.

Special Entry 57: Crazy Hat Guy -Crystal-

(The events in this post happened before Crystal was kidnapped by the Snake Goddess and were discovered after the relatively successful escape plan hatched by Ben. Ben was the person who decided to place it here.)

"Before we found out about her sickness we were working on building her skills so she could be successful when she grows up." My Daddy was talking to a guy with a really crazy hat.

"And now that she won't live for more than a few more months, you want to give her a life that she will enjoy . . . so you're trying to buy my hat, why?" Crazy Hat Guy seemed very hesitant to sell his hat. I kind of liked him. He was nice and you should have seen his hair! (He-he.)

I was peeking around the corner of the doorway, watching my Daddy as he spoke. I love my Daddy, he always wants to give me the best of everything. About four weeks ago I had seen that guy in the newspaper and knew instantly that I wanted his hat. I think I got my Daddy mad at me with how many times I asked him. He always said no. He said that it wasn't a "productive" buy. I don't even know what productive means. I guess my pestering finally got through because he's rushing to buy it now.

"I was not born rich. I was born poor and had to work for my money. The best and most memorable moments of my life was when I was poor. Before she . . . I just want her to have a taste of what living truly is. I want her to have friends and build connections with things around her. I can't do that if I have enough money to just buy another one for her."

"I know what you mean. So you're giving me 3 million dollars so that you can give your daughter a real life, and you chose me because this hat caught her eye? Sounds- like you have the money to choose another option." I smiled at the Crazy Hat Guy. He smiled back.

"What I do with my money is my business, I want to buy your hat to give her a more amazing life; at least what's left of it. After she passes, I'll give you back the hat if you'd like and you can keep the 3 million, but please; let me give her something before I lose her forever."

The Crazy Hat Guy was silent for what seemed like forever, and then he stood up and walked over to me. He knelt down and looked me in the eye. As he watched me look at him, his face changed from hesitation to sadness, and then he lift the hat off of his head and placed it on mine. I almost squealed with happiness! I had the hat! So happy!

"I want it back after she's . . . I just want it back, all right? If I don't get it back, then I'm keeping the money until I do." He was looking at me but talking to my Daddy.

I gripped the hat on my head as he smiled. "And you. You take care of that hat for me. It means a lot to me. So promise me to take care of it, and it's yours."

"I will protect it with my life."

Entry 56: Taking charge -Ben-

Being stuck in the bathroom with Jay and Carl is not my idea of fun. Being stuck in the bathroom with them ready to tear out each others throats is horrible. Being stuck in a bathroom with Jay and Carl while hundreds of zombie children try to get in to wreck some grade school vengeance on us just makes me angry.

"Just a little research and we would have known that there would be hundreds upon hundreds of little zombie kiddies that would try to kill us if we went into their lair." Carl just wouldn't let it die. Even under these circumstances he was letting his anger control him.

"The research didn't say any thing about this. I had no idea." Jay was sputtering to defend himself.

Was I the only one worried about the tykes right outside the door? I pulled my book out from behind me and began flipping through the pages. Maybe within the book there was some kind of information that would help.

What Luck?! It appears Wilson delved into supernatural creatures as well. I ignored the words scribbled on the sides and quickly read the page.

That's when it hit me: The thing that Jay had put in his pocket. It had to be the herbs. He must have picked them up as he was trying to escape. I was almost about to mention it when I saw Carl. If I were to mention this now, Carl will kill him. I had to get Carl out of here.

I stood and began pacing; my mind racing. There had to be a way, but right now the only way out was a window that opened to the front of the house, and being two stories up . . . it was going to be difficult getting down. Damn it! How would I get Carl out of here?

"Carl?"

"Yeah?"

"Your brother is out there somewhere and is definitely in need of some help. If you could climb out this window you could get to him."

"Yeah, no."

"But it's your brother!"

"Haven't you seen any Zombie movies? They've probably turned him all ready."

"Did they try to bite you?"

"No. Okay, so he might still be alive, but after I get out there to help him, what do I do? I mean, there's hundreds of preschool ghouls out there."

He was right. There was no way that I could persuade him to go out there with out a way of getting rid of these children. I stared out the window deep in thought, and that's when I saw the most unusual sight.

One of the zombie children was fighting off the other children zombies. The small girl was defending John and doing a rather good job. Then it clicked. I knew how to get Carl out of here so I could talk to Jay and it all rested with the book in my hands.

Special Entry 55: Wicked thoughts -Crystal-

Hunting. I could smell the smoke from his cigarette from a hundred feet away.

It was an assault. The Goddess says that they stole something of ours. Something we had to get back or we would never be healed. They were tough, but the Goddess had filled us with what we needed.

First, stop him from alerting the others. Throat.

Then, cripple him. Hair.

Finally, drag him away for safekeeping till we have what we came for. Legs; maybe a blunt object.

More than just me. All of us were there.

We failed and I ended up on the ground, unable to stand up. I tried but I couldn't, and that's when I saw him.

"Hello, my name is Nicholas Brown. Most call me Nick. The more brave call me Nick Brown. How are you Crystal?"

Everything left. Every wicked thought and every evil intention. My mind was returned again and all I wanted was my Vincent. The man pulled from behind him my brown teddy wearing a black jacket and I grabbed it, holding it to my chest.

"I thought you'd want that and you can have it, but I need you to do something."

All around us hundreds of the unusual children were trying to break down the door. Where I was, I felt completely safe and protected from everything. "What do you want?"

He seemed nice enough and he did give me my Vincent. The least I could do was help him out.

"In a few minutes, those children will break down that door, and a few minutes later they will drag out a young man. Crystal, you must save him. He must not be harmed. Do you understand?"

I nodded.

"Good. Also, if he does happen to be harmed and you don't save him- " Mr. Nick turned and began to walk away, "I'll give you back to that Snake Goddess, and you will never see Vincent again."

After a few more steps, Nick vanished as though he was never there. I felt the wicked thoughts bubble up, but I forced them down and as my eyes filled with tears I turned to do what I was told.