220: I am Animus -Sara-

"It will be okay. It was just a dream."

I stood near a bed, on which sat a small girl with tears in her eyes. The speaker stood nearby; a tall man with striking features and ageless eyes. Where was I? I had tried to possess that Arabic girl and then this.

"Patrick," She started to wail louder, "They wouldn't allow me on the boat! The rain was coming down in torrents and I was gonna drown, but no one wanted me on board. They told me I wasn't one of them. they said that I was just a tool to be used and discarded."

"She couldn't get on because I enjoyed watching her squirm." A voice to my side made me turn. Standing there was a nearly identical little girl, though this one seemed very different and dark.

"What's going on here?"

"That's not important. You should keep watching, because I know what you are now and there's something you should know." I found her smile disturbing as she turned toward the bed again.

"Saba, I'm sorry." Patrick sat down next to her and pulled her close, "I wish I could give you words of comfort."

"I'm not like them am I?"

Patrick shook his head, "You're not, and when the time comes you will be left behind."

"But why?" Her voice came out in a whine and the tears started again, "I don't want to be left behind. I want to be like everyone else."

The man named Patrick actually had tears in his eyes, "I'm going to be left behind as well. Neither of us will last, we're not meant too. Humans are forever and we're not."

"But . . . but I feel human." I was tiring of hearing the girl whine, but without knowing how to escape I could only sit and watch.

"I know. You need to understand that you're a copy, and one day you'll no longer exist," Patrick looked into her eyes and smiled, "but that doesn't make us any less important. The humans need our help, now more than ever."

"Why am I important?" She looked up at him, slowly calming down.

"You remember the story of Gilfred?"

She nodded.

"There are only four known beings like that, do you remember?"

She nodded again, "The Human Race, Gilfred, Animus, and Mardockt. Mardockt was made by Gilfred and is a bad, bad man, he's who we're trying to stop. Gilfred and Animus have been around forever. Animus is the power of the mind."

"Well, a long time ago, there was only three which lead Gilfred to decide to create Mardockt. The human race is unable to take direct action before a threat presents itself so the only being that could stop Gilfred was Animus."

Animus. Why did that name sound so familiar? Beside me I heard the dark one giggle.

"Here's where it gets good, keep listening." She stepped backwards into the darkness and I turned to watch the events that were taking place.

"Are these your memories?" I heard no response.

"Animus could tell that Gilfred shouldn't being doing it so she stood up against him by creating several armies; An army of fairy-folk, an army of Angels, and the army of the Cubi. To the fairies she gave great magical prowess, to the Angels she gave varying abilities centering around something human or natural, and to the Cubi she gave the gift of charm and politics. When she had finished, Gilfred was nearly done. She swept in with her armies, laying waste to whatever Gilfred put in her way."

My head began to hurt as I got a flash of standing above a sea of creatures, all armed and ready to do my biding. I shook it away and kept watching.

"I remember this part, can I tell it?" The girl smiled and rubbed her red eyes, "Gilfred knew the armies were strong, so to stop them he gave them each fatal weaknesses, that allowed them to be overcome easily. Fairies were suddenly able to be killed using their names, angel's abilities were sealed away, and the Cubi had to consume living energy to survive. Animus was defeated and she vanished, never to be heard from again. When Mardockt was created, Gilfred realized that she had been right so he contained Mardockt away and unsealed the Angel's powers so that they could be Mardockt's guardians until he found a way to destroy him."

I fell to my knees. Another flash and I was stepping up to an old man. He turned with a surprised yell and I felt myself tear into millions of pieces. I shook my head and tried to ignore the pain.

"Animus did get to Gilfred. She was going to stop him and since Animus couldn't be destroyed Gilfred did the only thing he knew would help. He destroyed her body."

No. No no no. I grabbed my head as pain seared across it.

"Gilfred needed a place to contain her so he put pieces of her into each human and over time those pieces broke down and were passed on through the generations. Now every human alive has a small bit of Animus within them, one could call it memory but that's a very basic way of describing it."

I was Animus. I knew that now.

"But this doesn't make me important."

"It makes you very important. You don't have a piece of Animus within you. To her, you're an empty shell, a body that she can use to collect the rest of herself when she awakens."

I knew something was off with that Arabic bitch. Now I knew where I was and I smiled. I would no longer need to jump from body to body. I could just kill them and go to the next human with a piece. I was unstoppable now. I started to laugh but stopped as I looked down at my hand. I could not move my fingers. I felt my breath quicken in terror.

"Sadly, you aren't human. You're a copy, made by me to contain her indefinitely. She'll find herself unable to exert her control and she'll fall into a deep slumber until she's needed. Without you she'll go on killing constantly, so in a way you are the human's defense against her."

I heard laughter next to me and looked at the dark eyes of the young girl, "I don't want to go to sleep. Help me."

"You won't. I'm a flawed experiment. Normally, you fall into a slumber," She laughed and I felt dread in my heart, "but with me you'll simply be unable to do anything . . . except feel . . . as you spend years and years under my blade."

She pulled a knife from behind her back and approached smiling.

This was worse than being incomplete.

207: Sanity -Saba-

"You won't survive this. Let me out . . . I can protect you."

I shook my head as I ran down the hall away from the horrible, young child that Will had left for me to keep an eye on. The girl claimed that she was Crystal's sister, but it was an obvious lie. When we were alone I called her on the lie and she just flipped out.

I heard the teeny explosions as people looked out to find what the noise was, only to have their heads removed from their bodies. Whoever this girl was, she had immense power and was a danger to everyone. I glanced back to see her slowly walking down the hall behind me.

Behind her, the hallway was a mess of blood and brain matter. As the girl stepped on the rug little splashes of blood splattered on her and the walls. Her face was in a state of ecstasy as though she was getting her fix off every head that explodes in her presence.

"I can't let you out. I'll never get you back under control. You could hurt the people I care about."

More explosions. A family of four becomes a family of none.

"I thought we came to an agreement?! You're going to die unless you let me take over."

The other me was right, and I was running out of hallway. I pushed open the door to the stairs and quickly made my way down.

"The only agreement we came to was keeping Ben safe. This isn't affecting Ben at all."

I was halfway down the second set of stairs when the door above flew off its hinges. I could hear steps down the stairs as I finished the second set.

"Wow." Her voice was childish and malicious, "Being around you makes it easier for me to get the pieces I need. I wonder what it'd be like if I could just get inside your head."

My foot caught on a step and I tumbled down the stairs. An attempt to stand was met with extreme pain through out my entire leg.

"If you're dead, then you can't protect Ben. If she reaches us before you stop being stupid then we're dead . . . you have to know that. Just . . . give me control."

No choice. No choice but to let her be in control. She could help.

I looked at the top of the stairs and my breath caught. There she was staring down at me like a hungry beast at their next meal. She was terrifying, powerful, small, fragile . . . dead.

"It's about time you caught up to me." I smiled my signature dark smile, "I've always wanted to know what it'd feel like to wear a child's skin."

She paused, "Well, this is different."

Her face was what I concentrated on. It was an expression that was the best part of being a monster. The only emotion I felt was the right one to be expressed toward me. This girl was scared.

"Mmmmm." I pulled myself up ignoring the pain in my leg, something the other me could never do, "All this violence is making me tingly in places children your age shouldn't know about."

"What are you? Why aren't you terrified of me anymore?", she pulled herself together and the fear disappeared.

"I eat your type for breakfast . . . " I winked, "Literally."

I stepped up the stairs toward her, and she took a step back. I could see that she was weighing her options. I had completely surprised her.

"When they sent you up here to me, did you expect someone fragile and weak? Ben's much smarter than that. He didn't send you to me because of my weaker, more humane," I spit, "self. I'm the reason he left you here. So let's start with what you are."

As I made my way up the stairs I could tell she wasn't sure what to do, but I knew she understood the trouble she was in.

"I'm very old and much stronger than you." She obviously believed that, "I've been around for as long as humans have existed, maybe even longer."

"You aren't telling me anything of importance." I took a deep breath of the blood scented air, "These are your last moments, the least you could do is be more open with me."

Red flooded the front of the girl's dress, but she didn't scream. Instead she looked at me and smiled, "You want me to be more open? Well, how's this for being open?"

With that the girl's body burst open and fell to the floor. Standing in her place was a tall red-headed young woman completely nude and covered with blood. It was my turn to be put off guard by this unusual transformation.

"Ahh, so I've collected enough pieces to manifest my true form." She looked at me with eyes that I'd seen many times. She was an unsigned Goddess. One of Patrick's kind. I suddenly felt completely outranked.

"I'm not unsigned. I passed with flying colors and was signed." She smiled and bowed, "I'm the Goddess of Memory, or at least I was until they locked me away."

In a second she had me against the wall with her hand at my throat. Her strength was amazing, more so than even Bob had exhibited. I could feel her fingers biting into my neck.

"Sex-y." I smiled at her, "Why don't you and me find a room somewhere? I'll teach you how to scream with out making a sound."

Her grip tightened, "All I need from you is the piece I'm missing." She put her other hand on my forehead and after a few moments her face became quizzical, "You- don't have it. Why don't you have the piece I need?" She slammed me against the wall, "What are you?!"

I had trouble talking, "Let's play . . .", I coughed the words out slowly, "some show and tell."

My weaker self was screaming at me to stop making her mad. I took her advice in to consideration long enough to spit in the Goddess' face. She tossed me down the stairs in response. I hit the floor and slid in to the wall.

"You are not important to me if you are not in possession of what I seek. You can leave with your life.", she turned to walk away, but I wasn't having that. I called upon the dead, urging them to wrap themselves around the door she'd kicked down earlier.

"STOP!" She did, and slowly turned around.

"You are just asking for me to kill you." She tilted her head, "Or could you be trying to save the people of this hotel?"

That question made me very confused. I could just let her go, she wasn't a threat to me or anyone I cared about right now. Why was I stopping her? That's when it hit me, I was losing control. I took a deep breath of the disgusting air and all I wanted was Ben to hold me.

A loud clang was heard behind the Goddess as the door fell to the ground. My powers had faded because the evil me was deep within. I fearfully looked at the red haired Goddess and gave my best fearless face.

"You're a big meany-head."

She started laughing. She laughed for about 2 minutes and then her laughter turned to screams, "NO! . . . agh . . . urgh . . . I need more pieces . . . I need a body to hold me."

Her eyes fell on me and I felt a cold chill.

169: Shattered And Reformed, Similarities Bond -Ben-

Right there behind my eyelids the scene replayed in high definition slow motion. Over and over again I saw the child's head explode, and felt the warmth of her blood splatter against my face and body. My choice ended her life. My choice turned me into a monster.

The repeating horror pushed me into a small place deep in my mind, and from there I watched as I began my assault on Andrew. I should have felt bad, I should have stopped myself from desecrating that young girl's body, but I didn't. I could feel the rage, even this far gone. I felt the killing instinct explode as I stopped caring about whether he could breathe.

The anger didn't help get rid of the pain. I had brutally murdered a young girl. Nothing could bring her back. Her parents would never see her again.

"Mardockt." A voice in my head filled my stomach with sickness.

I fell to my hands and knees as my breakfast found its way to the floor in front of me. I had become what my uncle had told me I would. A complete monster. I was just like him. I felt right in killing that girl. I still felt that I was right, but I knew it was wrong. I should have sat there, I should have done something else. Anything else.

"Ben, it's all right.", a voice pierced through my thoughts. Saba's voice.

"No! Leave me alone! I'm sickening. I'm disgusting." I spun and swung my fist toward her face.

I felt the impact and waited for retribution but it never came. She opened her arms and hugged me. I pushed away, but failed because of my sickened and weakened body.

"Stop! I'm . . . Stop."

"Ben, I've killed many, many people. I killed them with no reason besides my own greed. I crave the feel of blood and violence, but that isn't you."

I tried to fight some more. The slickness of the blood beneath us seemed to make it harder for me to fight against her grasp.

"You didn't make her die. This doesn't make you a monster, Ben. You saved my life and probably countless others. In my whole life, I've never saved a single life. I've never saved, only destroyed. I am a monster Ben."

"But I did this, what if it's stuck in me?! What if this horrid feeling never leaves? This dirt and grime that I can't see but fills me with self hate?! What if I break one day, what if I follow in his footsteps?!"

"I won't let that happen. I'll kill you before you destroy yourself."

The tears came suddenly, and I wrapped my arms around Saba. My face on her chest, I let the emotions flood forth. It wasn't the good Saba that held me close till my tears slowed. It was the Saba that lusted for blood. An understanding had formed between us.

I looked into her eyes, "Do you promise to kill me if I go that far?"

She nodded, "I promise."

Entry 160: Ben Snaps, Blood Follows -Saba-

The sound of the shotgun pulled me from that small part in my mind that I'd receded to while the knife did its work. I looked up to see blood and brain matter splattered across the tall marble columns. The left half of Ben's body was red with the young girl’s essence. Andrew looked surprised as well, he'd stopped cutting and stood there staring at the reflection of Ben in the column I was tied to.

I could see Ben's mind crack through his eyes as they went from distressed to shocked. We all froze there for a few seconds, the only sound being the pieces of skull dropping on the floor as the blood ran down the walls. I knew what Ben was thinking, I'd felt the same when I'd made my first kill.

I watched as the horror faded, replaced by sadness. I saw him mourn for the child trying to find a way to rid himself of the sickness that had invaded him. I knew the next step, the part where he accepts who he is and realizes that his destiny had been this all along. The part where he joins Andrew in the killing. The part where he kills me.

What I saw was something different. I watched as his face went from sadness to rage. I saw the righteous anger surge through him as he realized the lack of control he'd had for the outcome. Through his eyes, like a movie, I watched him blame the person who caused the death of that young girl. Seconds had passed, but something had changed in Ben.

Glancing up at Andrew, I knew that he saw it too. Where his face had been one of ecstasy, it was now very serious. His hand gripped the knife tighter as he turned around just a little to late. The chair caught him in the chest, slamming his back in to me. Pain shot up my body and I cried out.

"How could you . . . ", Ben resolutely stepped up to where Andrew lay coughing as he tried to draw in air, "You filthy, ugly little cockroach."

Andrew grabbed for the knife he'd dropped, but Ben's foot knocked it away and then proceeded to teach Andrew’s face how to bleed with a swift kick to the bridge of the nose. Andrew slipped on the unfortunate child's blood as he tried to pull himself to his feet.

Ben grabbed the chair again and smashed it on Andrew’s back, "She was so young. She hadn't lived."

I wasn't sure what scared me more, the look in Ben's eyes or the fact that he wasn't yelling. His voice was calm as though talking to a child. There was pain and anger behind it, but it was masked with an emotionlessness that made his words sink deep in to my soul as he spoke.

Groans of pain escaped from Andrew as he tried to recover from Ben's retaliation. Ben grasped Andrew's neck and dragged him over to the motionless body of the girl and pointed to where her head had been.

"You like your work? Did you enjoy taking her life away? Did it make you feel better?"

Andrew finally spoke, "I feel no joy in her being dead. The thrill comes from the killing, but you should know that now. You are what your uncle claimed you would become. A monster, just like him, just like me, just like your frie-"

His voice was cut off as Ben shoved Andrew’s face in to the girl's stump of a neck. He pushed him against her neck until it looked like he had been engulfed. There was no way Andrew could breathe. I struggled at my captors. Ben was going to kill him.

Flashes of my past came to me, the anger I'd felt. The killing anger that engulfed me and made me what I am. The loneliness and pain that followed soon after, feelings that could only disappear with another kill. The constant need to rid myself of those feelings. It was a horrible life, and I couldn't sit here and watch as another person traveled down that dark path. I spread out my abilities and lifted the knife from the puddle of blood.

Ben's eyes were lifeless and cold as Andrew's fighting slowed down. The lack of oxygen would cause him to lose consciousness soon. I felt the ropes fall away and for once both sides of me wanted the same thing.

"Ben, stop!" I pushed Ben aside causing him to lose grip on Andrew. Andrew fell to the ground gasping for air. Ben sat on the floor unmoving, only his breath told me that he was alive.

"Thank you.", Andrew’s voice pulled my darkness out and hid my goodness away as I turned to him, "You saved me."

"You're a fool.", I snarled at him grasping the sides of his head, "I saved Ben."

Then I snapped Andrew's neck.

138: I Return -Saba- (written by Crystal Ferguson)

(I liked Crystal's last post so much that I had her write another. AND here it is!)

Taking a quick glance, I realized we were in Merlin’s shop. It was far better than being stuck in that Soulscape. I sat up and looked up at Merlin.

Politely I feigned a smile, “Well, it’s good to see I have made it back, yes?”

The look on his face told me otherwise. In fact, he looked more angry than relieved to see me. What did I do wrong?

“What made you think you were even capable of going there to begin with young lady?!”, he pointed at me, “I thought I had made it very clear that you were not to go alone!”

I stood up, annoyed with him. “What’s your point?”

“Your ignorance is most surprising, Saba. Do you not realize the danger you even placed yourself in?! Most people who cross over to the Soulscape don’t stand a chance of coming back when they release their ties from this world. You were downright foolish to do it on your own.”

He held a stern look to his face to let me know he meant every word. With a small huff, he turned to a shelf; a shaky hand reaching for it, his other gently scratching at the wrinkled skin of his face. A sense of rage filled me.

A small glass object flew up, hitting Merlin in the back of the head. His hand grabbed at the unexpected pain as he caught his footing. He turned to face me, a look of pure shock now on his aged face. “What do you think you’re-” Another similar piece soared toward him, this time hitting him in the face. He made a cry of pain as the shards pierced his flesh. He closed his eyes, his hand now covering his freshly made wounds.

I stepped toward him, the air about me filling with pens, paperclips and other small items. “YOU THINK YOU HAD THE RIGHT TO GIVE UP ON ME? HA! I’LL SHOW YOU WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LEAVE ME BEHIND!”

I was going to make sure he paid for leaving me in that void; for giving up on me.

A smile crept across my features as I let the objects attack him with no mercy. Pointed objects flew at him like bullets, glass exploded against his ancient body; blunt objects hit him with a mighty force. He made cries of pain and heightened anxiety, blood flowing out from each new wound formed.

He collapsed to the floor, arms up in a defensive position. “Stop at once!”

I laughed at the old man, throwing my head back. I knelt down, now face-to-face with him. For a moment, I let the flying of objects cease. “Why don’t you fight back, old man?”

Despite how beat up he was, he looked me straight in the eye. A serious look took over his features.

“I…I have no power. I had given that up to one who is far more worthy. I have been powerless for ages now.”

A small chuckle escaped my lips, “Pathetic; truly pathetic.”

I got back on my feet, “That makes for a bit less fun. Guess I’ll have to draw it out even longer.”

“You‘ll regret this, Saba Zahid!”, he pointed an ancient finger at me, “I promise you young lady, that you’ll regret this; for fate will make sure of it.”

I ignored him, the objects lifting in to the air for another round. They relentlessly attacked him, landing near vital organs as they pierced his body. He backed up toward the shelves. I watched on, satisfied with my work so far. Just as I was just really getting started, the distraught Merlin backed in to his shelves. There was a loud thudding noise as the shelves slowly began to descend down upon him. He screamed while his eyes widened as the shelves buried him alive. Muffled weeping sounds met my ears as it all settled.

I walked over, stepping on to the shelves. I peered downward, catching a glimpse of his worn out face. With a sigh, I jumped up and stomped as I landed. A moan was heard, along with the cracking of bones. His breathing was now raspy. I stomped down again.

“Still breathing? How annoying.”

One more for good measure; with more force behind it.

SNAP!

This time the obnoxious sound had come to a halt. A small gust of wind and a flash of light passed by; a window breaking nearby. I shrugged it off. Perhaps it was his soul running away.

I successfully ended him. Made him pay the best way I knew how, but rage still lingered in me; the need to kill remained.

I hopped off from his new grave, walking out of the shop and on to the sidewalk. The rage washed away with the smell of the outside world. I blinked, glancing back and forth; sighing. I felt lost and confused. If anything, I wished Ben was here with me.

I then looked down at my clothes. Blood spatters made a design across my shirt. A hand to my cheek told me blood even painted my face.

I began to panic, looking back to the shop to see the shelves down and no old man.

There was no ignoring it. I had killed Merlin.

137: Heroes and Villians And Those Inbetween -Saba-

"A long time ago you told me that sometimes I can't choose. You said that I might find myself on the wrong side for the right reasons! Is this what you meant?! The only way to save so many people is by doing this?! You're insane!", my teenage voice sounded distressed and angry.

"Right now it's out there Saba, building power to overthrow the balance that has been forever. We need to have the strength to face the mistakes of our parents, and if that means that we need to do things unmentionable; then we do it. We do it for people who won't have a chance. We do it for people who haven't lived their lives. We make this thing fear for its life and then we kill it with out mercy." Patrick almost sounded like he cared for people.

"I can't! I just can't. I see them looking up to me with their pleas, those scared eyes and I can't. My hands start shaking and the air grows cold. I know it's out there, but my hands won't listen to me. I know it's the right thi-"

"No!" Patrick’s voice became louder as everything around me came in to focus.

Patrick stood in front of my teenage self holding her shoulders. They stand in front of those double doors again, a knife laying on the floor at their feet.

"It's never the right thing. What we're doing is horrible, but we do it because it's the only way. The last resort."

"I CAN'T!"

A silence fell over the hallway and as he stared into the younger-me's face, I swore his face blinked away again, revealing the horribly twisted visage beneath.

"I can help you kill our parents." Patrick spoke calmly and silent. A tear rolled down his cheek and splashed on the floor. "If you want to do the right thing, I can help you."

"Please help me."

I felt a burning sensation in the pit of my stomach as the scene in front of me faded away, leaving me and my younger self looking at each other.

"You came. I knew you'd come." Younger me smiled.

“Yes, it's good to see you again." A voice behind me spoke.

The child version of myself, the one that had brutally murdered my parents stood behind me. Her clothing drenched in blood.

"Patrick knew I couldn't do it, so he brought out the side of me that could. I went to sleep . . . "

". . . while I did the dirty deeds." Darker-me continued.

"But why? How?" I cried.

"We aren't sure. The door remains locked and hidden in your Soulscape. It's something horribly bad. Something involving Ben, John, Crystal, and all of the others. They can survive, but they need you."

"But I've just met them and you're saying that we're all connected. How does that make sense?"

“We're not saying it.", the evil me smiled and stepped up to the nicer me. She reached out and grasped her hand, "You are."

I felt my body get torn apart as everything went dark.

"Wake up, you fool girl! Wake up!"

It was Merlin. I was back. I wish Ben was here.

136: 'Birth' -Saba-

The world swirled away as flashes of past and present flooded together, becoming an amalgam of indecipherable images. Covering my eyes, I turned away from the lights and colorful flashes.

When I opened my eyes I was standing on a beach.

"Did he ask you out yet?" Another recognizable voice that I couldn't seem to place.

I turned to see a young red-head sitting next to a teenage me.

"No, he's not the guy I want anyway." Teen me tossed a rock out in the sea.

"What? Are you crazy? He's popular, gorgeous and has money falling out of his pockets.", the red-head gushed as she spoke, "Also, I happen to know that he has a crazy crush on you."

Teen-Saba looked at the sky, "I had a dream of a guy. He seemed important and was really cute. I'm going to go out and find him one day."

"You mean that Ben guy you keep going on about? Girl, he's a dream. He isn't real."

"You're a dream."

"You aren't real."

The voices started to come from everywhere, flooding my ears with a drone of constant words. The red-head pulled a knife from behind her and swung it around, stabbing it in to teenage me's belly. That younger version just smiled as the blood spread from the wound, turning her blouse a dark red.

"You are just wasted parts, things that need to be discarded. Unfit to live and made to die. Your own body wants you gone. Everything you are will be lost forever when they reassert their authority."

"SHUT UP!" Everything disappeared as I yelled.

I found myself standing on a dark street. Ahead of me, the street ran zigzagged as far as I could see. Houses lined the streets but the numbers were replaced by words. 'First grade', 'Middle school', 'First Kiss'; they went on and on. A sign in front of me had the words, 'This way to The Void' and had a smiley face drawn on it with purple crayon.

I began my journey down the road, glancing at the windows of the houses, catching glimpses of my pasts. Child me here, teenage me there; almost all happy.

I stopped when I came to a black house labeled 'Birth'. I wanted to know more about myself, and the darkness that I would be allowing back in. Now was not the time for that though. I had something to do that was more important. I couldn't just stop and look at parts of my past.

So I opened the door and stepped through.

134: Sweet Love -Saba-

I felt my back hit the ground as the darkness faded away around me; replaced by warm sunlight. Images of what I'd just seen seemed frozen in place just behind my eyes, but a good shake of my head caused them to fade as well.

"Brother?", it was younger me again.

"Yes, Saba?" Panic filled my chest as I heard Patrick's voice.

I turned around to see them, despite my mind screaming at me to curl up and pretend they weren't there. The smaller me sat on the ground in front of Patrick looking curiously at the dirt. Patrick looked much younger and wore a small baseball cap.

"We all become dirt eventually."

I watched with a stunned look as Patrick's face became sad, "Yes, you do."

"I don't like that. One day, I'm going to stop that. I don't want all my friends to die. I don't want Mommy and Daddy to die."

I watched as Patrick's face fill with even more sorrow. I could have sworn I saw his eyes water up as he crouched down to look at my younger self.

"Saba, you can't always get what you want. Sometimes the things you want most are taken away from you. Sometimes you're meant for something completely different from what you want, and you find yourself on the wrong side for the right reasons."

I got the feeling that he wasn't talking about the younger me. He seemed to be talking about himself.

"I don't care. You can't tell me what to do. Mommy can't tell me what to do and neither can Daddy. No one is my master and if I want to fight on the right side, then I will."

A happy smile came to his face as he shook his head, "Saba, how is it that you came to be my sister?"

"Your only sister.", little me corrected

"My favorite sister."

This time, there was no evil laughter.

133: Concrete Horror -Saba-

I was floating in the dark, listening to the continuously grating sound of that horrible laughter. Any attempts to move proved ineffective and only made it harder to do so.

"Where are you going?" My blood ran cold as I recognized the voice, though I couldn't put a face to it.

Slowly my surroundings flooded in to focus. An elegant hall of hardwood lined with many paintings and photos. A smaller me stood a few feet away from a much taller man. The laughter faded away.

"Saba, where are you going?"

The smaller me started to cry, "I can't do it."

I watched as the man knelt down and looked in to my face, a look of caring in his eyes, "Life is never going to be easy, Saba. It's going to be hard, and sometimes the only thing you can do to get by is try as hard as you can to do what you need to do."

My fear subsided as little me ran to the taller man and wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. Just as I thought that this scene wasn't so scary, I heard that low laughter again and the fear returned.

"Thanks, Patrick."

The man stood and reached his hand out to little me, "Anything for my little sister."

A smile found my face for a few moments before the laughter came again. The smaller me took his hand as we walked toward large, oaken doors.

The man put his hand on the door, "Now Saba, you go in there and make sure they're all dead."

He pushed the door open and screams flooded out. Screams of help and horror that filled my ears and saturated my mind with a deepening horror. The scene that seemed so pleasant before changed shape, instantly becoming something of a deeper evil. My breath caught in my chest, I tried to close my eyes and forget I was there. It was like a tootsie pop with a razor in the middle; sweet on the outside, but it just hides the horror beneath.

"Can we have ice cream after?", the smaller me smiled up to Patrick.

"Sure."

Through the door I could see deep red splatters on the floor and hear the clinking of chains.

The littler me stepped through and turned toward where the sounds were coming from.

"Saba! Please, God no!" They were begging for their life. Begging me to let them go, "Saba, your brother is crazy. Please honey, just let us go! You can't do this to us."

As Patrick slowly closed the door I watched as my smaller counterpart smiled sweetly, with all the caring of a child and said, "Daddy, life is never going to be easy . . ."

Her voice was cut off as the door shut completely. The laughter returned and this time I welcomed it, something known in a world of concrete horror. The laughter grew in intensity as I hung there in darkness, watching Patrick looking away from me at the closed door.

"That's not me."

"Yes, it is you." The laughter had spoken.

"No, I wouldn't do something like that." I was lying. I knew I was lying, I just didn't want it to be the truth.

"Not only did you kill your family, but you did more than that.", the laughter came again, "You killed a person every day for two years after."

In my head, I saw flashes of blood soaked bodies and glinting knives. In my head I heard their screams for help and mercy. The more I watched, the more I felt the innocence I'd witnessed before slowly fade away. I desperately clung to any piece of that innocence that I could.

"All for power."

I knew what he was meaning. I felt it in my bones now, maybe I'd always knew that my hands were unclean. A person isn't born a spirit persuader, they're grown. So many lives had been ended by me, so many people never got to live their lives because of my blade. All in the pursuit of power over spirits.

"It's too late for you.", Patrick had turned and was staring directly at me, "There's no way to clean your hands. You are a monster, and you'll always be a monster."

Every time he said monster I saw something odd flash beneath the illusion I knew to be his face. A darker and more evil face, something not human and older than the world. Patrick started walking closer and the scene behind him faded away.

"You killed so many.", Patrick's face blinked away for an instant and the horror of the face beneath made me catch my breath, "You are more of a monster than I am."

His face was inches from mine and he smiled, his mouth full of sharp pointy teeth with a smile that was all too wide. "Not only did you kill them . . ."

As I felt myself yanked backwards into the darkness, I knew what he was going to say; not only did I kill them . . .

But I loved it.

132: Pleasantly Abstract -Saba- (Written by Crystal Ferguson)

(I promised you people a guest writer and here she is. This post was written by a good friend, Crystal Ferguson. Enjoy and be sure to comment so that she knows how well it is. I personally liked it a lot.)

The Soulscape proved to be beyond weird. My eyes gazed upon numerous things surrounding me. For some reason the images appearing seemed familiar. It must deal with one of my souls, but which one?

Sounds of joyful laughter filled my ears as images of a child-sized version of me ran by. A little boy followed after her, as well as some other unrecognizable children. Remnants of toys were scattered about my feet as the children ran by. The sun that shone above beamed down, the heat becoming intense. A playground was the background of the entire scene, along with homes along the road. As this went on, confusion filled my mind; as well as a sense of sorrow. Such a world of happiness never existed in my mind- especially not like this.

I stood watching for a minute or so then took a few steps forward. A look of discontent was marked on my face. How were they all so cheerful? Why didn't I remember this? It seemed entirely unfair. I huffed out a sigh, practically envying the smaller me.

More images began to form and danced out their re-enactments of childhood days. They played games, some looking to involve puzzles even. This whole world itself was puzzling enough. Sadness seeped its way into my brain even more so. I crossed my arms and held myself, closing my eyes in the process. The next thing I knew, my body was spinning. I kept my eyes shut out of fear and uncertainty.

Coming to a stop I cautiously opened my eyes. Strings of color swirled about me, the child like laughter filling the air. The scene from before had morphed in to an abstract painting. A feeling of panic swelled up inside me, causing me to shake my head a bit.

"What's going on? This doesn't even make sense!"

Perhaps it was a mistake to make an outburst. A low chuckle replaced the child like laughter. It began to rise, a full maniacal laughter taking over. With a pounding heart and a swimming head, I looked around in hopes of finding a way to escape what ever it was that mocked me. Of course it wasn't that simple.

The rainbow colored strings began to twist and hiss, the strings blackening as they drew in closer. A scream managed to escape my lungs as the hissing threads wrapped about my body. Grunting and struggling, the abstract world now oozed with pure darkness.

The tingling and sinking feeling from my bottom half told me I was being sucked down. I should have just kept my thoughts to myself. The thought of darkness engulfing me was very unpleasant.

This trip to find my souls was proving to not only be weird, but down right disturbing as well. Before the darkness completely engulfed me I managed to let out one last scream of panic.

Realizing that no one was coming to my rescue, the truth sunk in. The remainder of my body slipped into the oozing blackness and the laughter made my ears ring.

I was on my own.

Entry 126: The Soulscape -Saba-

I didn't need him. I could do it myself. Just one last try and that's it.

I sat down in front of the brick wall that was once Merlin's store and closed my eyes. I relaxed my entire body and pushed the world out of my mind. Slowly, I felt the pain build up and in my mind I could see the ties of this world and of the Soulscape; both trying to pull me into their world. What I had to do now was slowly release myself from my worldly bonds and allow myself to be pulled in to the Soulscape.

The more ties I undid the more the pain increased, until I could barely think to release the other ones. I couldn't do it. It was too much. The pain of losing this world filled my mind, screaming warnings and telling me to go back. I had slowly began to give up when the image of Crystal filled my mind. There I was being beaten, laying on the ground not wanting to get up, too scared to move. Crystal was tougher though. Crystal didn't give up. She pulled herself to her feet and ran at the danger; she even made her point known with the palm of her hand. Even Jay, the fallen one, had not given up and when a close friend was going to die, he did the extraordinary and risked his life to save him. Everyone that I'd come across since as far back as I could remember had forced themselves past their capacity, and in to greatness. They not only took the risks needed, but they never fell back and never gave in.

I wanted to be with them, to be like them. I would be like them. I could barely move to untie the rest but it was time for me to make a sacrifice. Time for me to enter in to greatness just as all of them had. With a sweep of my hand I cut all the connections to the world at once. Cut; not untied.

Pain flooded my mind as I was yanked into the Soulscape and thrown like a rag doll in a hurricane. I swore I felt actual physical pain but it was muted, because I no longer had a connection to the world. Finally the movement stopped and I felt solid ground under me. I pushed myself to my feet and looked around.

I had entered the Soulscape.

Entry 125: Give Up, or Go On? -Saba-

"I can't.", my mind felt like it was being torn apart and thrown to opposite sides of the world.

"Well, then stop." Merlin's small voice was hard to hear over my ears ringing.

I relaxed and felt the world slowly pull back together and come in to focus.

"I'm sorry. I guess I'll just live out the rest of my days in peace." I pulled myself to my feet.

"You tried, I guess that counts for something, even if you didn't finish.", Merlin was extra distant and sharper with his words than usual, "Still, if you aren't going to try anymore then get out. I won't teach quitters and I can't stand your whining."

I glanced at the clock, "Master, it's almost two in the morning and I have no idea where I am. You can't make me go out there."

"How can a person who doesn't care about themselves expect others to care about them? You want to give up on life then so be it, I'm not going to have a corpse rotting up my home."

I felt the anger build up, "What do you mean I don't care? I'm here and I gave it my best shot! I'm not good enough!"

Merlin swooped toward me faster than a decrepit, old man should be able to move. His eyes filled with anger and his face hard and cold, "You don't care! If you cared even a little more than you would, sit down and endure the pain! 'I can't.' 'I won't.' These are words that shouldn't even enter your mind, because if you leave this house with out learning to do this, then you will DIE!"

"MAYBE I'M MEANT TO!", and with that I turned and walked out the door.

I stood there in the street, thinking about what Merlin had said. He was right, I was giving up. I didn't want to die, but the pain of entering the Soulscape was excruciating.

The Soulscape was the place within a person where their soul resides; somewhere between memory and reality. If one wanted to get rid of their soul, or find souls that were lost in The Void, they had to go there. Only a few people could. Merlin had said that only Warlocks and Spirit Persuaders could enter, and that warlocks needed powerful and ancient magic to make the journey. Magic that he didn't even have access to. The Soulscape is directly linked to The Void, or Limbo, and all I had to do to save myself was get all the souls that had made their home in my body in one place. Then expel the useless one.

I turned to go back in to the store and give it one more try, only to find a brick wall where the store had been. I ran to it and pounded with all my might, but it was very real and very solid brick. Merlin had left me. The guys had left me. My souls had left me. I was alone, completely alone.

And I was going to die.

122: Merlin -Saba-

Lizz dropped me off in front of a small shop. One of those shops that sell unusual items. The ones you look in the windows of, but never enter. She leaned out her window with a smile and pointed at the door.

"It's not locked. Just walk in and go all the way to the back. He's waiting for you back there. I'll be waiting for you outside."

I turned, "Who? Who is waiting?", but she'd all ready rolled up her window.

The shop was poorly lit and upon entering a pungent smell hit my nose. The store was very messy, with items hanging off the shelves and on the floor. Several times I had to stop myself from crushing in to important looking trinkets.

"Don't take so long. A wizard can't wait forever. OH! Do you happen to see a rusted Pink Hippo? I can't find it anywhere back here. Stupid thing walked off while I was sleeping."

Stepping in to the back room, I spotted a small old man laying in a bed completely covered with blankets, so that only his eyes and long pointed nose were visible.

"Saba Zahid . . . Wow, is it an honor to meet you."

He held out his hand as if waiting for me to give him something.

"Uhmm . . . I'm not sure what you mean . . . "

"Honor as in, it takes an important person to be in your presence, or if you are referring to my hand; I'll take that Pink Hippo now."

"But I don't have a Pink Hippo, I didn't even see one coming in."

His eyes seemed to smile, "Ah good . . . then you are still sane. Tell me Saba, do you know what happens when a body loses its soul?"

"Does it die?"

"No, of course not, if that happened then no one would ever go into a coma. Instead they'd just die. No, no, it's more beautiful then that. The body creates an entirely new soul, using the one it lost as a template. Quite fascinating if you ask me."

"Yes, yes. I guess it is. Umm . . . I was brought here by Lizz. She said you could help me? I need you to save me please. No one else can."

"She said that? Well, I'm sorry child, but I can't help you. I'm so sorry."

"Oh, I guess I'll leave then.", I slowly make my way to the door.

"Do you know who I am?"

I look back at the old man, "I have no idea."

"Even better! Dear, my name is Merlin. I have lived for quite some time and I've noticed one thing about the world. One truth that has survived all the tests of time, tests that even I have failed."

"What's that?"

"I can't save you. No other person in the world could save you. Searching for help is futile and stupid. You'd be quite a ninny- ninny; I love that word, "ninny". Any way, where was I? Oh yes, quite a ninny to think that it would work."

"Thanks for nothing then.", I left the room and began to leave.

"I'M NOT DONE TALKING, YOUNG LADY!", his words seemed to echo from every direction, and from that small room in the back an unimaginable power seeped. I found my feet turning me around and marching me back in to that room.

"I can not help you, but I can do something else. SIT DOWN."

I sat.

"Like I said before, the body creates a new soul. How ever, your body had two souls within it. Souls that are now resting in the dark and empty void. So when your body tried to create a new soul, it meshed the two souls together."

"That's why I've been feeling like I was normal."

"Indeed, but this "meshing" of two souls is dangerous. If the two souls are incompatible, lets say; a raving psychotic and a very clingy but loving young lady, then the body becomes sick as it tries to deal with the errors in its design. It's kind of like running a diesel engine on water."

"So how does this help me?"

"It doesn't. I told you that I can't help you."

"THEN WHY AM I SITTING HERE?"

"You'd be smart to mind your tongue."

I tried to yell more but the words wouldn't leave my throat.

"I am going to show you how to pull your souls back in to your body."

The feeling of hope filled me.

"Saba Zahid, Spirit Persuader . . . I am going to show you how to help yourself."

116: Staying Behind -Saba-

"You're welcome to come with us still if you want.", Carl had been insisting I join them the whole time we rode to the airport.

"No, I don't think I'll be of any help. What if I suddenly stop working in the middle of something important? No. I'm safer here, you all are safer with me here."

"Then what are you going to do?"

I'm going to figure out what's wrong with me.

"I'm gonna go home and read, or something."

"All right, but you give a call if you need us."

Then they were gone and I was stuck alone again, worrying that I'd never find my solution in time. I hailed a taxi and slipped inside.

"Where to, miss?"

How was I supposed to know where to go? Nothing at the house could help, especially since Patrick has the book now. Patrick. He's the only one who would know anything besides Nick, and it's all ready obvious that Nick has no memory of anything important.

As I sat there thinking of what I could say, another person slipped in to the car and loudly announced, "I'm going to the train station, please."

"I hope you don't mind taking a ride miss, maybe then you'll know where you want to go." He was directing that towards me.

"No, no. It's all right. I don't mind." I didn't want to upset anyone so I didn't say anything about how rude that new passenger was.

The passenger was a tall, dark haired woman who had a very creative style in clothes. She was looking out the window for a few minutes and then turned to me.

"Saba, I understand you have a problem. My name is Elizabeth Dumont and my brother told me you might need help. How about you come with me and we'll see if we can't get rid of this issue?"

"Whose your brother?"

"A friend of John’s, he told my brother what was up and he sent me. So you wanna go?"

She seemed less rude now, and I actually found myself liking her a bit. I nodded and she told the taxi what was going on. I guess I was going with her to figure out how to solve this problem.

If I'd had a Mother, she would have taught me not to talk to strangers.

108: All Night -Saba-

I woke up to a heavy weight on my stomach. As my eyes adjusted to the light, I saw the black haired head of Carl sleeping on my stomach.

"He's been there since the surgery."

Looking to my left I saw Crystal sitting in a chair nearby. There were bruises all up and down her arms and across her face, but she otherwise looked fine. When she moved, the pain was very evident in her face. "Which one are you?"

I felt different. I wasn't having the dark thoughts I used to, but I wasn't all flowers and posies either. I was confused about myself, about everything. The last thing I remembered was both parts of me wanting to save Crystal, and then failing. Everything after was a blur of pain.

"I . . . I'm not sure.", I knew there was fear in my voice. I took a deep breath to calm down and felt pain surge through me. Looking down, it was then that I noticed the bandages over my chest, "I'm alive?"

Crystal didn't answer, instead she winced as she waved toward Carl, "I've only known them for a short time but I've never seen him act like he did after the surgery."

"He was here all night?", I watched as Crystal nodded.

"Yeah, the little cry baby couldn't get himself to move away from you."

I look to my right to see a medium sized teddy looking at me. It scratched its head, "Hi, I'm Vincent the bear."

I wasn't surprised. Nothing had been normal about me, and since being with these people the whole world seemed crazy, "Figures."

I turned to Crystal and frowned, "You look fine. I figured you would be in a bed like me."

Crystal frowned and seemed close to tears, "Well, all I had was a few bones pulled from their sockets. I was resting all night and seem fine now. It hurt though, she was moving my bones in and out of their sockets and pinching nerves."

I saw her shudder and then fall silent.

"So how long till I can get out of here?"

Vincent made no noise and Crystal looked out the window.

"Seriously, someone tell me." Deep inside I knew what they were going to say, but I had to hear it. I couldn't believe it until they said it to me.

"They tried to save you, but . . . "

"Oh suck it up and just tell her! She deserves to know.", Vincent yelled at Crystal.

I looked at Vincent, "What's going on?", my eyes were filling with tears. Something only the happy one would do, but I was so mad. It was unfair.

"Saba, you're dieing."