Flashback 218: Gilfred -Indigo-

I had never met a Constant before. I barely even believed that they existed. Humans had everything wrong. They thought there was a single being responsible for the creation of the world. They lived by the belief that everything began somewhere, but that was a flawed view. The universe has always been and would always be. The universe was one of those Constants. Something that always was and would always be.

It was a hard concept for mortals to understand and even I had trouble believing it. There I was though, standing outside of the home of a legend. Gilfred was a Constant, someone whose stories were told to me as a child. I walked up onto the porch and lifted the knocker above which the initials G.O.D. were inscribed. I dropped the heavy weight and let it fall once.

Patrick had spent his life looking for this one man, if he was a man. Gender probably meant as little as age when referring to a  Constant. They weren't something that could be defined by those categories. I turned and glanced at the car. Inside lay a sleeping Patrick, a child for the time being. It wouldn't be until he got older that he would regain the memories he once had. His vessel's sister had been born yesterday so I had been left to care for him, a task I had wanted to avoid. I didn't want him to think of me as a parental figure because of my feelings toward him.

No answer from the door. I reached up to knock again. It had taken me years to find his residence, and I didn't expect him to be here. His house sat in the center of a massive field, a monument to his power it would have been, if it wasn't surrounded by small, wooden crosses. Thousands, if not millions of them surrounded the house, each one with a name and date. The neighbors said that when he first moved here there weren't any crosses, but over the years more and more began to appear.

I pulled my hand away from the door and glanced at the car again. Why was I hesitant? Patrick believed completely that this man was safe, but something in me was screaming to just walk away; just leave this thing alone because it wasn't worth the trouble.

If I did, then Patrick would never forgive me. The other people of our race had forsaken him, claiming that his words were lies. So he left them, choosing with conviction to side with the one race that seemed to be the only that wasn't too blind to see when things were getting bad. Humans.

I couldn't understand his faith in them. He seemed set in the belief that this entire time, humans had been the superior race. Our kind had enslaved them, done horrible things to them, made them believe things that gave us more power, but Patrick believed in their potential. I had asked him why he believed this so much and he asked me to think back to a time when humans weren't around. Even before the realm of humans, there were humans in the Other Lands; in the oldest history books, the ones buried in our forgotten cities, they were still spoken of from first page to last.

This fact scared me to my core. As far back as I looked, humans were always there. My fear came to the notice of Patrick, who took me back in the basement of his Other Lands home. There he showed me a large block of cave wall. On it were symbols that I recognized as the first roots of our language system, and right there in the most rudimentary of writings was the word Human. Patrick proceeded to explain that he thought humans were a Constant, not individual humans, but the human race as a whole. He believed they had an untapped potential, one that only manifested when their race was in danger of extinction; a bestowing of abilities to seemingly random humans, who would become the shield and sword needed to weather any storm. He showed me thousands of documents, all of them a record of times when the human race triumphed against odds that were completely unreal.

I lifted the knocker and dropped it again.

"I have something to show you Indigo." A voice behind me spoke and I instinctively branched out my power, but it was deflected. It had never been deflected before.

I turned to see an old man standing at the bottom of the porch stairs. He was smiling and I felt comforted by his presence.

"You must be Gilfred." I made my way down the stairs and followed him through the rows and rows of wooden crosses.

"When you've lived as long as I have," He brushed a hand across one of the wooden crosses, "you hardly ever make any mistakes. I'm sure you can understand that, given your races longevity, but I'm not sure you understand what it means to a person like me. A mistake of mine can have consequences that last for a very, very long time, and it will kill so many people."

"I'm not sure I understand."

He was quiet for several minutes while we walked through the unending field of crosses. Each one that he passed, he touched and he never smiled. Each cross he passed seemed like a weight on his mind and visible on his face as a burden. I could tell that to him each one was heavier than I could imagine.

"Each and every one, I put here. So that I never forget who they were and what they contributed to the universe, so I never forget what was lost. However, I believe there is only one that would have any relevance to Patrick, and in extension; you."

He stopped in front of a cross and pointed to it. Inscribed in the wood was a name. Mardockt. I stepped backward in shock and looked at the old man.

"Wh-What is this?" I was incredibly confused, Patrick believed Mardockt to be alive and trapped just waiting to escape. However, right in front of my face was proof, delivered by a being without age, that Mardockt was indeed lost.

"Humans were the most powerful of the Constants. They were because the entire universe and everything within it conformed to them. When humans were in danger, seemingly unrelated and inconsequential events took place bestowing seemingly random humans with powers that neither me nor you could understand. Then these humans turn out to be exactly what the race needs."

"You aren't making any sense. I came here to ask for your help, we need to kill Mardockt. We need you to kill Mardockt."

My head was still trying to get over the fact that Mardockt was dead. Patrick based every action that he made on the belief that Mardockt had been changed evil and that Mardockt had more power than he could imagine. Had Patrick been wrong?

"Only a Constant can create a Constant and the same inverted. Only a Constant can kill a Constant. Anything else that tries will be killed. I knew this, but in my loneliness I ignored that fact. The being you call Mardockt was created long before your friend unleashed him. It took me many years to learn how to create a Constant, and even longer to contain him."

Suddenly the weight of the field I stood in fell on me. Each one of these crosses were a life destroyed by the being Patrick was scared of, and because of Gilfred's guilt he lived everyday in the presence of monuments he'd created for them.

"This field," I felt a heaviness in my heart, "How many of them are of my race?"

"Patrick's friend, Mardockt, was not born without a power. When he was destroyed he created an anomaly in the universe. He was part of the protection that humans would need to survive."

"You aren't answering me."

"Don't you understand? Smell the air, look at the sky, you can see it everywhere. The human race is preparing to defend itself. I can feel the tendrils of fate weaving throughout the universe. I can see the dominoes falling in sequence as the universe and everything within it bends in attempt to ensure their survival. The last time I saw the universe react like this was back in the Ice Age, but even that wasn't anything compared to this."

"Stop speaking in riddles!" I stomped my foot causing the ground to tremble.

"The human race is scared. It doesn't know whether it can survive this time and because of this, the universe is not pulling any stops. Do you know what that does to me? I created the Constant that they're worried about. I caused the death of thousands and I can do nothing to help. I can only tell you the right direction."

"So what's the right direction?"

"Patrick's already headed in it, but he needs to find the anomaly. He needs to find it as soon as he can, because it will lead him to the only defense humans have."

"He's not interested in just saving the humans, he wants to save the universe. He wants you to lead the army he will create."

Gilfred smiled, "Indigo, you really need to be more understanding. A Constant is a Constant because it must be there. Without the human race then the universe loses meaning, and without a reason to exist it will fade away. I might survive as well as my creation, but the universe will evaporate. Take a look around you, I am not fit to lead an army, but maybe the anomaly will be."

I was angry, "You aren't the person I thought you were. I heard legends about you for as long as I've lived, but you're nothing but a sad old man who doesn't want to get his hands dirty. Patrick is more than you'll ever be."

Gilfred looked surprised as though I had said something he hadn't expected, "I have done enough. You may leave now, my answer is no. I will not join Patrick."

"Then I give you a message directly from him, if you will not help us then you will be hunted. You'll be hunted forever, because Patrick will not stop until he's either contained you or killed you."

As I turned to head back to the car, Gilfred laughed, "Patrick is an amazing person, very dedicated and willing to do what it takes, so I wait for the day when he comes to collect."

As I slid in next to Patrick, I couldn't help but feel a chill. Gilfred's words stirred something that I had stuffed away for a long time. Deep within my soul I felt the one thing besides love that controlled my actions.

Deep within I felt the cold hand of terror as the car pulled away from the house, the crosses and that horrible old man.

Flashback 217: God-Rank -Indigo-

I was twenty-three when I earned my God-Rank. I was the second youngest person to earn their God rank; the first being Patrick at age 15.

I stood in front of my Father as he looked at me. He smiled and motioned for me to step forward. I had been waiting for this day even though I already knew what I would be God-ranking into. My power involved emotions; I could see and manipulate a person's emotions, but with my touch I could do all that, and create or destroy emotions as well. I was jumping right up to the top and becoming the Goddess of Emotions.

God-ranking was a rite of passage for most of us. We aspired toward it so we could find out where we ranked compared to our other classmates. Getting a rank could either give or take some power from the receiver, and very rarely did it ever leave them the same. It all really depended on what my Father decided was best, but most had a change to their abilities happen when they were ranked.

"Indigo, my dearest daughter, you have done well in proving yourself and you demonstrate incredible control over you ability, and that makes me proud."

I stood tall and proud like a daughter should. This was my moment.

"What doesn't make me proud is the relationship you have with Patrick. I've even heard rumors that you've joined him in his crusade to find an imaginary person. You spread rumors of a war that is going to be worse than the one we're in right now and you did all of this against my wishes."

My pride deflated like a popped balloon. How could I explain my feelings for Patrick? My feelings that had not been returned despite my best efforts. Everything my Father had said was happening started because I wanted to be noticed, but over time I realized that Patrick was speaking the truth and trying to save us from destruction.

"Dad, I didn't mean to disappoint you. Once I'm God-ranked then I'll be sure to make you proud."

"Or you could end up taking my rule right out from under me and giving it directly to Patrick." He slammed his hand on the throne's armrest, "You disobeyed a direct order from your ranking officer and your father. You have disgraced my name more than any has yet."

"But Father . . . " I felt the tears flow but didn't care, "I'm sorry."

"You have proved yourself to be capable of God-rank, that is true. So your rank shall be Goddess of Guilt, a title suitable for someone who has shamed their family so much."

I felt my powers slip away as I fell to my knees. I would no longer control all emotions, my control would center around guilt alone. Sadness at the loss of my ability built up in my chest and then slowly formed to anger. I pulled myself to my feet and smiled a dark smile at my Father.

The room became heavy with guilt. Some people burst into tears while others began tearing at their faces. I slowly intensified the feeling until everyone was trying to kill themselves over the guilt they felt. Except my Father. He sat there unaffected, like always. Our powers didn't work on our parents, something to do with protective powers through blood.

He stared at me angrily until the last person fell, "Are you done?"

I turned and stomped through the puddles of blood to the door, "I hate you."

I closed the door behind me and then fell to the floor in tears. How could he do that? How could my Father be so cruel? I thought he loved me, but I was nothing but a tool that had broken.

"So, I need a favor." It was Patrick and coming from across the hall.

I looked up at him, tears still streaming down my face, "Will it hurt my Father?"

"Yes. If I'm right, then it will do more than just hurt him."

I wiped the tears from my face, "You saw what happened in there?"

"No, but I did hear it. Your father is a very twisted man."

I ran up to hug him but he sidestepped, "Indigo, I can't ask anyone else to do this. I need your help."

I knew I would help him already. I wanted to make my Father suffer for destroying my powers like he did, "What do you need?"

"I need you to find someone willing to perform the needed spell so that I can go to the human realm. I think that's where Gilfred is hiding."

"I'll do it." I couldn't deny the request of someone I loved.

And I didn't care anymore.

Flashback 216: I Will Not -Indigo-

The first time I saw him I was twelve. I was the eldest daughter of the headmaster of the academy, and as such was always present whenever someone was given an award or a punishment. From when I was old enough to understand, I'd heard legends about Patrick; how he'd been the most powerful child in the academy, how even as a lowly Janitor he was able to proceed in raising his rank. I had always wanted to meet him, but my Father said that he was a very dangerous young man that talks of blasphemy.

"Step up, Patrick." My Father's voice echoed through the chambers.

His handsome features took my breath away as he approached the throne. He stood almost as tall as my Father and had piercing eyes. He stood there with a face lacking emotion, but it was very evident to me that he felt a deep hatred toward everyone in the room. I could see it flowing around him like a windstorm. The control he had over his emotions was unbelievable; like nothing I'd ever seen. He was everything the legends had said and more.

"You speak of a man while you work? Would you mind explaining yourself to me?" My Father was trying to make Patrick comfortable, but it would never work. Patrick had a whirlwind of anger that even my Father couldn't destroy.

"Sir, if you may, this is not why I'm here. I have other things to atten-"

"You will answer, Patrick!"

"Yes," Patrick was unaffected by Father's rage, "Gilfred is the only being that can stop Mardockt. I think people should know that for the coming war. We need to find him, only then is there any way to survive, sir."

At this point my Father's rage matched Patrick's, "Mardockt is dead and Gilfred is an old myth. You will stop spreading these falsehoods throughout the community. We have enough to deal with at the moment."

"I will not."

No one had ever said that to my Father. All my life I'd seen people walk up with an opinion or suggestion and the second my father denied it, they would nod and leave. That wasn't all. Anyone willing to go against my Father's orders was as good as dead, but Patrick had no fear. It was all anger and hatred that flowed around him; a red and yellow inferno that wouldn't be weakened by the presence of any threat.

My Father sat there staring at Patrick for a moment. Then he stood and walked in front of Patrick. He raised his hand back and then down toward Patrick's face. My Father was very strong, the strongest person in the academy and combined with his ability he was practically unstoppable. The force from that swing could end the life of any student. Right then, I knew that the legends of Patrick were over. I would never be able to speak to such an unbelievable person again.

I was wrong. All the anger and hatred that Patrick had flowing around him was absorbed into himself instantly, and I watched as my Father's hand was stopped by Patrick's wrist. A loud smack echoed off the walls and then silence took the entire room. There Patrick stood, his wrist holding back Father's hand while the rest of the people present stared on; shocked by what they'd just witnessed. Dumb-founded we watched as Patrick pushed my Father's hand aside and followed up with a swing that missed my Father's face by inches. My Father had been so shocked that he had waited till the last second to move.

"I'm sorry that you think force can make me agree with your views. It must be disappointing to find out that you can't control all your students like you used to. I don't understand why my talk of Myths and the dead could warrant such a response, but I'm sure you have your reasons. Now, I came here for a reason and I'd like to see the purpose through to the end. Unless you'd like to try again, but next time my retaliation will not miss." Patrick spoke with a smooth voice that was filled with strength, fearlessness and raw power. There was no one in the room who could doubt what they'd just witnessed and many of them were getting up to leave the room; something that I was considering at the moment as well. If my Father and Patrick began to fight then this room would become a war zone.

My Father composed himself and sat down in the throne, "Indeed we did. Let's proceed then."

My Father's anger was still raging around him, but Patrick had no emotion at all; not in his face, not in his aura. In fact, it was as though he was aura-less. His body was surrounded by clear air with no hint of feeling anywhere.

"Patrick, you have done much to prove yourself even after you'd been permanently ranked as a Janitor. As such, I remove the restriction and appoint you into a God-title worthy of your prowess. I hereby appoint you with the title: God of Death." My Father smiled a sly smile.

Patrick frowned, "Sir, that's still a janitorial position and is never permitted to leave The Other Lands. I beg you to reconsider and give me another post."

"You expect me to allow you to spread those lies to the humans from the other realm? You must be kidding. You've got what you wanted, you had your rank increased. Leave."

Patrick bowed, turned and then left. The people witnessing the ranking left shortly after leaving me, my father and his adviser alone.

"Sir. I think it was the wrong choice ranking him after that show of utter disobedience. You should have killed him right then." His adviser chose his words carefully.

"You think I didn't try?" My Father glanced in my direction and then back at his adviser, "He stopped me. He's less than half my age and he just brushed the hit aside."

"Shall I send the guards to pick him up?"

"They can't. We currently don't have any guards with enough poser to stop him. Right now we have him following our rules," My Father rubbed his cheek where he'd been nearly hit, "We don't want to provoke him to start breaking them."

The adviser noticed my Father rubbing his face, "Did he hit you sir?"

"No, but if he had then I would be leaving here in a casket."

Hearing that filled me with awe, fear and longing toward the only person who had made a lasting impression on me.

Patrick.

215: Heart Vs. Fear -Andrew-

I found myself standing in the rain. Up ahead stood the one group of people that despised me more than anyone else. The Warlock stood off to the side, his head down with ears blushing red and Ben was wrapping Crystal in a blanket.

My job was simple. All I had to do was find Carl and his brother, then kill them. If this was the other me than I wouldn't have even hesitated, but I had escaped my prison. Indigo hadn't just devised this horrible situation just to get back at the brothers, but also to tell me where I stood. To her I was nothing but a human, an easily manipulated sponge that she would squeeze the water from until I was wrung dry.

"Daddy, I don't know what to tell you." My brain emulated my daughter's voice, "I don't want to go back in that place, but this is wrong."

I knew it was wrong but I had no choice. If I didn't go and do her bidding then I was lost; I would never have my mind back.

"Honey, what happens if you do it? What do you become if you do as she says?" My wife was always the stronger one, the one to ask the questions no one wanted to.

How different from the old me would I be if I did what she'd asked? Would I end up the same? A monster in the skin of a man. The only difference would be the hate I feel for myself, but after a while wouldn't even that fade away? The group up ahead had stood and were walking away. They were probably headed to the hotel they were staying at. As I watched them I noticed a kind of deep camaraderie that I had only felt when my life was simple, and my family was alive. If I did what she said, then I would be destroying another family, removing two important people and leaving the rest in ruins.

Up ahead a bus turned the corner splashing Ben, Crystal, Nick and Will.

When I was in the Other Lands I remembered watching them, studying their movements and learning their skills. I had gone to the museum knowing that I could beat them, only to find that everything I'd thought was wrong. This single group of people spit in the face of what was definite, almost as though they weren't held down by the rules that bound us all. None of them seemed very special, they weren't even the most powerful people he'd met, but something about them kept them going even against the power of Gods.

"Daddy, you're special too." Tears came to my eyes, and even though my mind was making up her words I was touched, "That mean lady can't control you if you don't let her. We can all choose to be different."

"Honey, we're with you no matter what you do. You've gotten us back, so we're here for you."

The bright headlights of the bus filled my vision and something in me fell together. Indigo and Patrick had caused me all this hardship, but this time I wasn't their puppet. Back then I was tortured and weak, unlike now when I'd faced death and lived. I was like those people I had studied. I was my own person, able to make my own choices and not be controlled by the greed and vengeance of Gods.

I stepped off the curb and turned to face the several tons of metal hurtling toward me. I held my hands up and screamed, "Indigo! Here's what I say to your request you manipulative, evil witch! Go to H-"

The bus collided with my body. I felt my skin rip open and my insides burst as pieces of me flew every direction. I heard a muffled scream as I hit the ground and slid in the mud. I was dying and the pain was incredible, but I'd felt worse. I had felt it for so long. Slowly the world blurred away and went black.

I was free. I was strong. I was special. I was dead.

210: The Church of Guilt -Andrew-

The inside of the church was elegantly furnished. The windows had curtains of black and red striped velvet, and the carpet was a deep shade of purple.

"Please, if you don't mind taking off your shoes before you walk in." Sister Victoria turned and looked at me, "God doesn't like her floors getting dirty."

I knelt down and slipped off my shoes, "So you think God is a she?" I was trying to make small talk. Something about this place didn't feel right, it felt . . . familiar.

"I know she is. Right now she's out, but soon she'll be back." Sister Victoria motioned for me to follow, "Please come and sit with the other Sisters."

The hallway opened up into a massive room with a high ceiling, too high for it to be the same building I'd seen outside. I was right, something was off about this place. It was bigger on the inside.

"I'm sorry, I just realized that there's something I need to do." I turned to leave, but was stopped when I saw who was standing in the hallway. I couldn't move my feet. My palms grew sweaty and I began to shake uncontrollably. She walked over to me and ruffled my hair, her hand warm and comforting. Her touch made me feel the happiest I had been in a long time, but when she stopped I couldn't stay standing because of the power of the returning emotions.

She knelt down to look at my face, our noses almost touching, "Aw, you remember me. That's sweet."

She patted my head as she stood up. My vomit from the assaulting emotions would stain her rug. I felt a warmth flow from down my thigh and wasn't sure what it was until I realized that I'd wet myself.

"Victoria? Please, stand him up." Her voice wasn't as sweet as it had been. It was all business and anger.

I felt Sister Victoria's hands lift me to my feet, "Yes, ma'am."

Through blurry eyes I watched her turn and wait until I was standing on my own. I reached up and wiped my eyes.

"Indigo." I growled.

She smiled cutely, "Oh wow, you even remember my name! This is getting better and better."

"How could I forget? You trapped away the parts of me I cared for the most. All because Patrick told you to."

"Patrick never made me do anything. He is searching for something and I am doing my best to help him find it. That's what you do for people you love." She grinned, "What am I saying? You wouldn't understand, you sacrificed your wife and child's memories just to feel better."

I was quiet because she was right. I had done that, it was all my fault because I was weak.

"Please, don't be angry at me. We had some good times, I thought we were friends." She pouted, "Oh well, I didn't bring you here to chat. This is business. I need you to do something for me."

"Why would I do anything for you?"

She motioned to the sisters who were standing in a circle around me, "For one, you won't make it out of here alive. My sisters are incredibly obedient, all they need is the word. Also, if you happen to get out anyway, then rest assured that what you've gotten back will be gone in seconds. You'll go back to the family slaughtering fiend you once were."

She walked over to me and frowned, "So here's what you're going to do, you know those people you just met? The ones who were with your dear, departed friend Vincent? There were two brothers, a tall one and a not so tall one. A long time ago, we met and they had the most delicious guilt, but they were after my head. I had them right where I needed them to be. They're pain was exquisite . . . but then the small one did something unexpected. His will was . . . like something I'd never felt from a human before. He broke free and stole something of mine, rendering him and any of his direct blood relations unaffected by my charms." She stomped her foot, "That stupid, little, rotten . . . he is why I'm even here, I have much more important things to do. I saw his brother on the television and the small one isn't ever far behind."

"So you want me to steal it?" I frowned, "You do know that they HUNT your kind? They've killed a God right in front of my eyes. I hear that just the small one alone stood against 20 or so zombies and survived. Also, judging from the news, I think Patrick poked one of their buttons too much. Going against their band of misfits is not just stupid, it's retarded."

"I don't want you to steal it back. I don't care about it anymore. I want you to kill the brothers and, while it's touching that you're worried about me, I won't be the one doing it. You will, and you know all about them."

"No. I won't do as you ask. They have an incredible warlock, and even a clairvoyant. Do it yourself and see for yourself. I go in there looking to kill some of their crew and I'll be wiped out. They already hate me."

She touched my chin, making my knees crumple when she removed her fingers, "Oh Andrew, did you think I was asking? No, no . . . I didn't even say please."

"Please, you're killing me."

"I'm commanding you, kill the brothers and if you feel like being on my good side, then you'll bring back what they stole. If you can't . . . "

She smiled a devilish smile, "Then I'll ask the other you instead."

209: Rash Choices -Crystal-

Guilt. No matter how far you run, it's always there. I killed someone today and it wasn't an accident. I went there wanting him gone, and left before they could put him in a body bag. I didn't feel bad that he was gone. It was like a large zit had been removed from the side of the planet, but I did feel bad that I had been the one to do it. I had erased someone's life with my own hands.

According to Saba, she had stopped Ben from killing because she didn't want him to become a monster, so what was I? I looked at my hands, wet from the rain that hid my tears of guilt. Was this how life was supposed to be? Only a year ago I was sitting in my bedroom playing with Malibu Barbie, my biggest worry being whether or not Ken would be on time for their date. Now my hands were stained with the invisible mark of a cold-blooded killer.

I put my hands under the run-off from a nearby gutter. Maybe I was trying to remove the past few hours; the past few hours that I barely remembered but knew the outcome of.

"Nothing can remove what you're feeling." A voice spoke up from behind me, "Well . . . almost nothing."

I turned to see a girl with black hair smiling at me, "Who are you?"

"My name is Indigo, the Goddess of Guilt and you look like you need to relax." She reached out and touched my wrist.

The guilt and pain faded away instantly. I felt good, I'd done what was needed and it turned out okay. I'm not sure how or what I did, but it sure made me happy. I smiled at the girl and then she let go.

I fell to my knees as sickness overtook me. The guilt flooded back as if a dam had been removed. I wretched on the ground as the memories came crashing back. I shakily pulled myself to my feet.

"What if-" Indigo stared at me, "What if I could get rid of your guilt? You certainly have a lot and much of it involves an old nemesis of mine, as well as a good friend. I think it's safe to say that you have more burdens than a young girl as yourself should hold."

She touched my hair and put her hand on my shoulder, "I can remove it all. Erase all the guilt. If you want."

Tears burst forth, "I didn't mean to. He killed my Daddy and I was just so angry. I was very, very angry. I wouldn't have ever done it. Oh God, I killed him."

She wrapped her arms around me and held me close, "Lucky you found me then. Just say the word and it's gone."

I looked into her eyes, hypnotized by the depth of them.

"What do I have to do? Please help me.", and the world went black.

I woke up a while later wrapped in a blanket and staring at Nick's face.

"Crystal? Talk to me."

"Nick. Nick, I feel funny."

"What?"

Then I leaned in and kissed him. A deep, long, guilt-free kiss.